in the beginning...
This will be a two part post. The women's is substantial, but the men deserve an honorable mention.
I decided rather than wait to find or meet friends in my current location I would live as if I had that friend and just go! Scary? Of course, but I could be waiting until my twilight years since not too many women enjoy superficial activities and I'm far too ashamed to meet someone who says, "In my spare time I hike, volunteer, teach autistic kids, and when I'm feeling selfish, I hike, or have wine and theatre at the Mondavi Centre" to reply, "Me? I love fashion, style, makeup, beauty, trying different outfits and reading, dreaming and obsessing about self improvement ... aesthetically..." As vain as it sounds, those things are my form of fun. It isn't saving whales, but it's something I enjoy that isn't harming me, my finances or those close to me. The same can be said about many diseases or addictions, but what's the point of life if you can't have some fun?
I decide against thrift stores. I wind up buying books and things I won't wear but look cool or can be a d.i.y. project.  That would be too much work. Rumour had it there was a huge Forever 21 near UC Davis and they have a nice college town to have lunch so away I go.
hipster section
It was Saturday afternoon and most people were in malls so this place was nearly empty. I later learn that not many people in Davis care about fashion and that most college students only shop when special occasions occur such as Homecoming Week, Winter Ball and things of that nature. Initially, I passed the store twice as I didn't expect it to be in a strip mall with no signs or landmarks. A kind officer gave me directions rather than a ticket for driving reckless. The car park was small and vacant. I usually like parking farthest from the store (exercise), but I am in a strange place, so I accept the close space. I walk into the store and nearly fainted. There was no loud music. There was room to walk around without stepping on clothing and it looked like I was in a high end department store. The employees didn't follow me asking if I wanted to try on anything,  and the clothes were neatly organized. *Cue sounds of angels singing*
Each genre had it's own mini store. Most F21 stores have their genres in different corners of the store. I like the evening or career styles so it's usually in the back corner, in theory, but in reality I would find a nice pencil skirt in the wrong size or colour and hunt for remnants of the others. No bits and bobs to mess about with. What's more, me snapping photos like a mad woman didn't cause one bit of a stir. They didn't confiscate my bag, give me odd looks nor did I feel security or loss prevention had me on their radar. The sales assistants were all so kind, well dressed and ... I am speechless when I think about this store as I could not find a flaw. Even the line to check out was organized. I can go on and on about this gem of a store, but it was a nice fan-girl experience, I felt like Alice in Wonderland. It encouraged me to continue to venture to new places more often. Why should I not make more of the simple things into fun adventures? They had a Trader Joe's next door, a Starbucks in the building, and a sushi place but I was anxious to get on the road. The only downside is when you are on that "high" from a good time out and about, there's no one to share the adventure with. But, the upside is there isn't someone who's ready to go, or bored and waiting to go. It's nice when one finally gets to the place where there is happiness in the simple things? Where to next?


Shoes

it's casual

career wear

skinny jeans...organized

accessories for days
xo
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I want to toss so much of the makeup that I don't use but keep hoping I will make friends with someone who can use some of the items I don't need. I have been doing makeup long enough to know exactly what items are repurchased on a consistent basis.
I purchased this in spite of my disdain for MAC Cosmetics due to their never ending limited edition frenzies, eBay paydays for greedy people, only to re-promote said item a year later. I love bases and now that there are no more paints or shade sticks, I find myself obsessed with all things cream based for eyeshadow base purposes.

I would not call these primers. I refer to primers as those products designed to prime the eye for eyeshadow wear. In other words, to prevent creasing or fading. Bases are something that I use to make the colour either pop or to modify. Duochrome colors over black bases can create something so beautiful. Sharkskin shade stick and Old Gold pigment is a "prime" example. <~see what I did there.  In all honesty I don't need any of MAC's paint pots. They aren't different enough to warrant spending $20 USD.
Years ago, a great makeup artist told me she stopped buying eye shadows of any shade since she had her basic kit and a 120 palette. "GASP!" Are you kidding me? No more eyeshadow of any kind! Why? Her response? "I have the primary colours and a few others to intensify, mute, or modify what I have. "How many variations of red, yellow, blue, white and black do I need?" It's been nearly seven years and every time I hit enter or swipe my debit card for a purchase, her voice echos in my head. I'm working on following her lead. I'm over watching YouTube, I am done with school, I'm working steady and it's time to start making responsible choices and my makeup is over capacity.
This is a bit deeper than Constructivist

Looks like a cream version of MAC's Bronze eyeshadow
Some people have questioned if this is a duplicate for Constructivist. It's in the same schema; however, it's not a dupe. This is lighter and leans warm. If one wanted to create a dupe, I would think Maybelline Colour Tattoo in "Bad to the Bronze" but again, I'll swatch a host of bronzes to demonstrate the difference when looking at them as side by side comparisons. The difference isn't that great but if you are a connoisseur and want a true "dupe" I don't think I have one which would 
Want to show it on fair skin but :(
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Learning to love who you are as you are is a constant struggle for some, myself included. Since my mum passed the world is different. Sometimes I feel like I'm dreaming. The emotional roller coaster is enough to need mood stabilizers.  I always thought I'd be older when I lost a parent. I never imagined I would be young, single, childless and in the wrong country. I have been looking at life from the sidelines, and it's time to get back in the game. Only problem is, the game has changed. It's always been dog eat dog, but now it's like the world is always waiting to demonstrate how imperfect, or less than you are.
A few observations make it so much more intimidating. It's so ugly out there because people don't stay relevant as long as they did in the past. It's really a short shelf life. Remember when "Robsten" was everywhere? Panacea 81 was more popular in the online beauty community and now... I watched some videos and the worst thing is to feel ugly, lonely, despair and watch these young, beautiful, and vivacious beauty vlogs on "How to be Happy" or "How to be more Confident..."
It's almost an insult. Even if I didn't have body dysmorphic disorder (bdd) I'd be offended. When you're in a dark place and you feel alone and suddenly some chirpy, attractive, young lady who has millions of "selfies" loads of social events and men and women fawning over them giving advice about building confidence. It's like an athlete telling an out of shape and overweight person how to prepare for a competition. Sure their life may not be perfect, but when people only put out the good (which is natural) and someone is feeling bad internally the cards seem unevenly stacked.
That's what marketing is for. It's not personal, but advertisers are under a lot of pressure to make sales in a tough economic time. Add to that a plethora of people who are being used to market their brands to an audience that is quite fickle, and it's no wonder people are selling themselves out.
I think the problem lies when we seek approval from external sources. When you seek acceptance from a greater source, one that is tangible, that you can touch, you're half way home. People on the web don't know you, they know stats, hits, numbers. Get friends you can talk to in real life who interact with you personally. It's easy to encourage people online, but we need physical support for our mental demons. Hey, even Jesus had twelve disciples. In short, we all need someone, and if we could learn to love ourselves first (hard task but essential) then find someone we can talk to or spend time with, over time, we can fill that empty space we look to fill with shopping, food, video games, alcohol, etc. Find your talent, and build your  confidence. You can always support others, but always know it's okay to put you first!

xo
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