When things fall apart...

Please sit still!

This has been one of those time to dial 1-800-NOW-WHAT ? I've been working on a film with two directors that are extreme perfectionists and Type A to a T.
I really don't understand film sets. I haven't seen a movie since Moby Dick was a minnow. So, the faces look the same to me. "Newsflash" I don't have a Jay Z, Beyonce, etc. album. I listen to my own playlist because I don't like hearing the same song 10 times in the span of an hour.  Not because my taste in music is so elite; rather, I can listen to trance and want old school right after.
So, I usually have my headphones on, and get yelled at and bossed around. I told them to their face they need to treat me better. Now that I am still, I need to treat me better. We  teach people how to treat us. When this director went on about how educated, connected, and how many films she helped write and box office hits, in my head she's


 

editing whatever she's saying which I only see her mouth move and a frustrated looking expression.  Today was bad. I have been working 14 hours and my work is done in a routine. I am very precise in what I do. But after everyone has their face done, they talk, the lights are very hot, and you can see your reflection on their forehead, and the lipstick is absent because they talk so much. As we called it, equipment guys were leaving, people were going there separate ways, or to some place for "drinks" <~ yeah right! When I told them I had a flight cross country, she wished me well, but....

Google

 IT HAPPENED !!!!!!!

She called me, "whatshername" I will work for you, deal with your mood swings, listen to your stories, keep your secrets, but don't. ever. call. me. that.  That's a deal breaker and I didn't turn around, but I felt so small.

I didn't go to the wrap party, I'm not going to the premier, and all of the emails that post production sends, which is A LOT, asking if our name is spelled correctly, and if we've submitted our contracts. So, being a baby, I stated my name was, in fact, wrong. I stated my real name is "whatshername." Later, I wrote her an amendment and told her that for this show, I'm three months on, maybe a break and then it's go, go, go and since we spend so much time together, it would be nice to know my first name. Maybe she was tired, or too many things on her mind, but trust and believe she knows my name, and face quite well.
We teach people how to treat us from the moment we interact. It's difficult and uncomfortable, but one must always feel they are equal to not less than. You don't have to believe it, but in time, you keep saying that you deserve better, it will radiate and that's the energy you will put out in the universe.

 xo