Blogmas: Unjust

Today is hitting me hard. I am really wondering if black lives matter? I want to go, but where? Back to Africa? I was told to go there most of my life. Sadly, the minorities are in control there as well. I wonder if people will believe that racism still exists or nah?I feel like crying, but I don't know if it's because I'm feeling defeated or that I feel like black lives don't matter even among ourselves. There are people in power whose words can make a difference, but they are concerned about numbers. Sales of their albums, clothing line, or whatever their "brand" markets to say anything, unless it's something bad about another black *Charles Barkley* person.

I'm sure I will anger many just by saying, "I don't get the Zoella hype!" Why is this woman in a teen body the next J.K. Rowling? Of course, her being white, immature and pulling dumb faces helps. I watched her videos and don't see how she is an icon for anything.
I am biased but I looked at my homepage and the first article was about Eric Garner and then it just hit me. They don't get it. I have been falsely accused of things, guilty before due process many times, and each time the result is the same. #lose But I want to believe in my faith, I want to believe this isn't about race, but...
I sometimes see that I fold under the justice system, I have heard each time I'm fined, "just pay it, if you don't win you're f*cked" but I'm still screwed right? Doing nothing or standing for something, the fault will be on the "system's" side.
I want to see a change, but even Obama hasn't been promising. I know this is temporary, I'll be back to my self, but I don't see how I can think about anyone than the families of these victims and the checks these officers are collecting beyond retirement.
#blacklivesmatter

 xo