The Beauty Thesis

Today is hitting me hard. I am really wondering if black lives matter? I want to go, but where? Back to Africa? I was told to go there most of my life. Sadly, the minorities are in control there as well. I wonder if people will believe that racism still exists or nah?I feel like crying, but I don't know if it's because I'm feeling defeated or that I feel like black lives don't matter even among ourselves. There are people in power whose words can make a difference, but they are concerned about numbers. Sales of their albums, clothing line, or whatever their "brand" markets to say anything, unless it's something bad about another black *Charles Barkley* person.

I'm sure I will anger many just by saying, "I don't get the Zoella hype!" Why is this woman in a teen body the next J.K. Rowling? Of course, her being white, immature and pulling dumb faces helps. I watched her videos and don't see how she is an icon for anything.
I am biased but I looked at my homepage and the first article was about Eric Garner and then it just hit me. They don't get it. I have been falsely accused of things, guilty before due process many times, and each time the result is the same. #lose But I want to believe in my faith, I want to believe this isn't about race, but...
I sometimes see that I fold under the justice system, I have heard each time I'm fined, "just pay it, if you don't win you're f*cked" but I'm still screwed right? Doing nothing or standing for something, the fault will be on the "system's" side.
I want to see a change, but even Obama hasn't been promising. I know this is temporary, I'll be back to my self, but I don't see how I can think about anyone than the families of these victims and the checks these officers are collecting beyond retirement.
#blacklivesmatter

Blogmas: Unjust

by The Beauty Thesis on 9:51 PM

Today is hitting me hard. I am really wondering if black lives matter? I want to go, but where? Back to Africa? I was told to go there most...

What would your tomorrow look like if you only had the things you were thankful for today?
I ask myself that and it never fails to remind me of what I really need(ed). In 2010 lost my job, 2012 my mum, 2014 my dog, and my job....dignity not too far behind. I guess I have to be more specific when praying and meditating because I am manifesting a lot of things that are not what I want. I wanted a companion, and the Meetup group I joined was quite sinister. I don't know if there's something about me or maybe I am hypersensitive but I don't like groups that think it's okay to gossip. It's like a pod of cows sitting about giving people the piss. How is that a social for singles? Maybe that's what people are doing being that it's hard for a pimp.
I decided to add vision board to the list of things to help me get back into me. I never knew how difficult being an adult and making friends would be.
I did have an epiphany though. You know those videos you see online and aside from the ones that are viral, that have a lot of views. It's because of perverts. I was looking at a playlist of a particular vlogger and her highest viewed video was her get unready with me/night time routine. Who needs to know how to wash, brush and go to bed? Well, apparently the tags make h*rny individuals come to fetch a shower scene. I seriously think social media has destroyed my belief in mankind.

Blogmas: Gratitude

by The Beauty Thesis on 9:12 PM

What would your tomorrow look like if you only had the things you were thankful for today? I ask myself that and it never fails to remind m...

In order to change you have to get out of the routine, even if the routine is finding ways to avoid pain. I avoid everything in life to not have pain. Needles, deadlines, drunk drivers, the list goes on. I neglected to list things like, learning how to... The things I don't list are due to internal fallacious thinking. I have a bad habit of "I won't do anything unless I can do it perfect!" moments which are followed by "I'll try for awhile just to prove to myself..." and that brings me to Blogmas.
I don't really care for this time of year. I'm in a deep valley and it seems that this has been for some time. Almost a decade in fact! I have tried plenty of things, jobs, university credentials, hobbies, crafts, volunteering, making friends and every single one has been an #epicfail.
But, I don't blog for people, I blog because I don't speak well and my writing needs to improve. I was told I needed to write without ceasing for no less than 20 minutes every day. Well, I'm not succeeding at that either so, back on the horse.
I will give the final month of the year the best and most dedicated 20 minutes until 2015.
I will find a theme and that will be what my post will be about....