It's so close to Christmas, and although I'm really not keen on the shopping and gift giving/receiving, I do enjoy festivities.  Unfortunately, times are quite tough and I find myself to be more skint (broke) than usual. Not good!

I find myself to be rather conservative with my spending but these bl**dy sales get me!  So, what I do is along the lines of "Robbing from Peter to pay Paul."  In other words, since I spent money on myself friends and family, I can't splurge on my eyebrows.  Oh sure, I lied and said I was growing them out, and did all the tricks to conceal them and considered waxing them myself.  I went to Sally's purchased the wax, but when I got home, I envisioned myself with no eyebrows and returned them. Twelve dollars isn't much for threading in California, but I tip in order to ensure there are no "accidents" so I did what I always do.

YOUTUBE!!!

I have to admit I haven't been keeping up with makeup and hair online as much, but when in doubt, there are two places I count on in a pinch.  Google and YouTube always have an answer for me.  Soooo I watched some videos on threading.  Can't be that hard can it?  Well... I think I did well; however, I will definitely need more practice.  Threading seems cleaner than waxing, in my opinion; however, I'm quite new so time will tell.  Here is what I created:

Of course none of this will make the pain go away, but breakups are something we all deal with, and I feel many people don't address it without bashing the ex factor.  Sure, you want to sock him/her or call and curse them about, but don't give them that much credit.  The best revenge is to live your life happy, even if it's without them.  You're strong, you can get through this, and they made room for the person you were meant to be with.

Sadly, the truth is, it takes time.  I hated hearing it, but looking back, one day the pain was less, then the ache was less intense, and before you know it, you feel the loss, but the pain is gone and you start to get back on your feet.  I know this doesn't fix anything, but give yourself a break.

xoxo

I found some celebrities and, "Guess what?"  They look like you and I!  They do!  In the photos I post, I went to Google images and found photos by searching for celebrities out and about.  I know it would be easier to search "celebrities without makeup" but that is cruel.  Those are made to look awful, they get the ones where the person is half blinking, or frowning all the worst so, to be fair I found everyday images.  Let's proceed, shall we?

Let's get back to the blokes.  What image do you think these men are drooling over when they go on about how "hot" or "fine" and the sexual things they would do to (insert female celeb here). In your dreams!   Speaking of that, what image of "her" are they erm "making love" to themselves with?  Lad rags of course, which have the women in sexual poses, loads of makeup even if they don't there is so much Photoshop that's been done the woman is made to be perfect.  Looking at the photos I researched I find that these "babes" look just like you and me.  They are people under all the press, movies, posters, albums etc.  I dare a man to find these women half as sexy as they do you.  All of them look like everyday people you would see.  Don't get me wrong I see people who I have to do a double take at all the time.  My point is, men don't know what they like.  Behold....

So I'm in my "pontificating" mode.  I am an extremely deep thinker.  I think about everything.  I consider it a mixed blessing.  I can see both sides to an issue.  I don't strive to be right, rather seek first to understand.  I can admit when I'm wrong and mean it when I try to learn from it.  Unfortunately, if I'm thinking about something, it's not simple for me to have a yes or no, do or don't.  I've created the list of pros and cons, and even made visual aids to make simple decisions.  This post was one I feel passionate about, but fear the ramifications.  Lately, there's a tag on YouTube wherein people discuss their "perfect imperfections."  I know it's all in good fun, but part of me feels it's sort of crass.  The people doing these videos are gorgeous.  I know, "No one's perfect, we all have flaws, and it's good to know other people have insecurities." BLAH!  The initiator of the tag is absolutely gorgeous.  When I watched her video, I could not stop looking at how perfect she is.  What's more, the things she feels self conscious about (like 99.9% of the rest) aren't visible to the naked eye.  ONE guru I could relate to, sort of.  I felt like the ugly girl in primary school who overhears the "popular" girls going on about their "thunder thighs" whilst I stood there with obese tree trunks.  Again, the spirit of the tag is great, but I can't help but wonder what we simpletons should strive for?  I know the channels are from people whose primary purpose is beauty, fashion etc.  I could not help wondering how people who are dealing with depression, loss of a limb, or disfigurement would feel watching these girls.  Many would love to trade places with them in a heart beat.

I reckon the skeptic in me, didn't see this as fishing, but rather another cliquish think to generate "buzz" subs, and views.  As it is, I'm insignificant in their world.  Unless you have a channel, a blog with a huge following, or are bff's with someone in the "community" you're opinion isn't really respected.  They may view your response, but I would not hold my breathe expecting a reply.

"But...but... I have a billion subs, you can't expect..."  Really?  Those people are what got you there, but you have time to shop, vacation, tweet, blog, etc.  It's priorities!

HATER!!

No, let's not go there.  Now if you say, "Where's your channel?" I'll have more respect.  I don't have one because

Sure it's just the Internet, but I dunno.  It doesn't sit well with me.  I feel like something all in good fun may be seen as sensitive to some.  So, maybe not the disfigured, but the girl who is enduring puberty with the body changes, acne and growing teeth.  Her parents (ie Katy Perry) may not have the funds for Accutane and braces right now.  She has to make the best with what she has but..really? 
I don't mean to come across as judgmental, but I felt the need to say, "No one is perfect, but God."  We have flaws, and maybe their quirks.  I see them as character. 
Have a lovely day, believe in yourself! ♥

3: a current or fashionable trend 

I've stated I am just like you.  I read glossies, watch telly, peruse forums, blogs and am trying to avoid YouTube.  So, I'm avoiding product purchase by reviewing the items I did purchase for review.  The products I have I buy, even for my kit.  They may be discounted, but I don't obtain products from any outside sources.  I do get testers whilst shopping, but with the enormous amount of makeup I feel gluttonous if I accept anything as I cannot think of one brand I don't have at least one thing from.  Please don't judge.  I donate to the shelters, I've tried to do giveaways (no one responded) and I have no little sisters and my colleagues either don't fancy makeup or they are in the same predicament.

I purchased Chanel Mat Lumiere in Walnut.  I kept watching the Chapman sisters rave about Vital Lumiere and felt I wanted to try this brand and when I enquired about oily/combo skin, Sam was kind enough to respond in kind stating Chanel do one for oily skin. 

It is supposed to offer 12 hour shine free medium coverage. While I did love the finish, and the look of my skin, I had oil within 4 hours.  I did blot my skin with a tissue twice, but I cannot say this worked for keeping my skin oil free.  I did experiment prior to posting the results.  I tried it one week without a primer.  Results? Still oily.  I tried one week with an oil free primer.  Still need for blotting.  I chose to double my water intake and use a mattifying suncream and was oily.  I don't think the product is to blame, rather the marketing.  Fortunately, Macy's will accept returns and I wrote my experience.  Do I feel it will work?  No, because marketing is what gets the company to sell products and most people won't take the time to give feedback, but instead not repurchase.

Overall, I won't recommend this for people expecting an oil free finish.  I do recommend this for the overall look of the product.  It goes on very smooth and it didn't feel heavy, nor was a nervous about touching my face and then having transference.  I wash my hands frequently, but nothing worse than giving a hug and having left makeup on the other person.  Additionally, it's steep in price and I find Revlon Color Stay equally good with more color options.  I hope this helps, and unfortunately, darker skinned lovelies outside of the US will have a harder time getting a good match. :(  Good luck!

I am so frustrated with societal norms which generate the response, "She's too old to..."  It makes me cringe every time I hear that.  Seriously, why does it matter one's age when it comes to style?  When doing hair, it was the norm to tell women over thirty they should not let their hair grow past their shoulders.  It would "date" them and make them appear old.  WHAT?  I bought into it for awhile until I met a woman with long grey hair and she looked better than most women in their teens and twenties.  She was in her late sixties.  She brought a new and improved meaning to the phrase, "Silver Fox."

Women have it bad enough as it is.  Unlike the majority of men, we are highly critical of ourselves.  We see something completely different in the world than what others see.  We cannot even accept a compliment without feeling arrogant. 

Please don't let anyone tell you what you can or cannot do because you're not 18-21 like many media cutoffs.  That's simply ageism and that's bloody ridiculous!  People who feel they are too old to change their:  occupation, have a child, travel, go back to college etc. have bought that notion and it's time to rethink and refocus on what you want in life. 









 

So, my cameras are en route as I went away and left them.  I miss writing here, it seems to alleviate the need to speak to a physical person.  I decided to create my photo for this post. 

Whilst visiting my friend in California, we got into the natural v. fake topic.  She's been relaxed, her sister natural.  Fortunately for her, she's not obsessed with beauty, fashion, makeup all of my downfalls.  She posed a question and I never realized some people don't know the difference between "transitioning" and "stretching."

Stretching is the process of extending a relaxer for a prolonged period of time with the intent to decrease overlapping between touch ups.  By "stretching" the time between relaxers it also allows the length of the hair to be a bit more pronounced.  If you wait five months between relaxer touch ups, versus 4-6 weeks, the difference is impressive.

So, rejection...happens to the best of us, I've learnt there are some it never happens to.  Well, this post is dedicated to anyone who's ever been rejected.

GET OVER IT!!!

So, there's a bloke I had my ♥ set on.  To be honest, there are a few.  But one decided to chirpse out of nowhere.  He's an attractive lad.  Tall, dark and handsome but I wasn't smitten at all.  He begins to e-mail me sweet comments.  This led to him asking me a plethora of questions, and giving me his "mobile since I don't have friends in the States."  Well, I am horrible at calling men, so I gave him mine thinking okay we never chat at work (I know, I know) have lunch or take breaks together, he's bored and I'm as well.  So, I get a sweet text, and over time they get progressively flirtatious.  Well, I'm no fool, I've been around boys all my life, I have all older brothers and my dad is the leader of the pack when it comes to dogs.  I don't take compliments literally, I read Steve Harvey's book at the request of my father.  So, what happened?  I fucked slipped up.  In my defense, the boy is sexy as hell and his imagination would make Jodeci blush.  WOW!

So, I raised his sexy and added my own twist.  The boy fell back hard.  WTF?  He talked a good game but when I called his bluff, he choked?!!!! I give him credit, he spoke a good game, pursued me (never happens) and seemed like a freak :)  I didn't want to be his girlfriend, friend with benefits, I was bold and said we couldn't be friends because I don't fuck my friends.  He changed at that point and things went south.  He was so up/down, black/white, hot/cold etc. So, I asked him if he was bipolar a Gemini.  I really wondered if he gave his phone/computer to someone and the person at work was him.  I'm laughing as I type, so this is good.  I never even asked him questions about himself, his situation, nothing.  I don't really care as I'm not into a boyfriend right now, too much going on and he knew this, as well as that I won't be in the USA long.  So what young 27 year old "Leo with Virgo Rising" <~whatever that means, doesn't want to shag?  This guy!

I know a lot of ladies would be grief stricken, but guess what?  It's a dude!  There are plenty more, and now I have some ideas on seducing the next guy as a result.  I'm flattered he felt he couldn't play me.  Maybe he's gay and thought, "I find her cute maybe...Oh no, she's way too much I thought she'd be easier."  He does have a lot of men who like to "train" him on assignments.  I am not hiding my head in shame, stuffing my face and watching chick flicks, I'm upping my game! My body is my date and it needs likes a lot of attention.  If I stay on track, I'll be fit by summer, six pack, toned and ready for fun!  It's no big deal.  I would have died a year ago, but since I've made a decision to live a little, I look at the positive.  I didn't die, I have his texts so he can't file a charge, he's not alpha enough and it was fun to have a distraction.  Dude might be married or catching feelings, it's all good. 

Your homework:  If you don't have a boyfriend/girlfriend, find someone you fancy and simply smile.  If you're bold say, "Hello."  You're not asking them for a date, marriage or their first born. (maybe dude had a kid???) It will make you feel good about yourself, I promise.  You must remember eye contact also.  If you have someone, read this I promise you won't regret it.

Stay sexy!

I have been experimenting with some of the products I ordered for my skin.  I have heard about this Sofina Perfect; however, it was "Sofina Lucent" I was searching for and didn't realize there had been a name change.  I wanted a sunscreen that wouldn't add to the oil situation I already endure.  I can't stop my quest for the product that will help mattify my skin.  I had been using Shiseido, but I can't find it and am not sure if it's discontinued.

I ordered online from bobodave because he offered free shipping and since he's in Hong Kong, I thought that was brilliant as international shipping can get quite costly.  To be blunt, shipping can make or break my decision to order online.  I was quite impressed at how fast the shipping was.  It sailed through customs and although I had done research, I envisioned a larger bottle. 

I prefer this packaging over Shiseido's as it has a dropper type tip.  That's a good thing because this stuff is like water.  I applied it directly to my face thinking it would be similar to lotion.  It slid down my face faster than I could retrieve it and didn't stop until it rested on my shirt.  No worries, I get ready in my pyjamas.  It has a ball which helps mix the product when you shake it.  Everything about the product is in Chinese so I didn't read the directions, this was a decision based on reviews of the product on a skin board.  It retails for $17.20, which is much less than MAC SPF 50 Prep and Prime and Shiseido SPF 55.  With the Shiseido, I find when you wash it off, there is this wretched scent that hits you like a baseball bat, but this doesn't which surprises me as they seem to be identical products.  It goes on really well, I put it on after my moisturizer and my skin looks matte, smooth and foundation (for oily skin) didn't skip when I applied it. Many times oil free foundations tend to dry as you're applying it but this went well.  As far as keeping the oil away?  Sorry but while it's better than many, I still had to blot by 9:00 a.m. just 3 hours after applying.  Is it the product or me?  Probably me, but that was sort of a let down since I read about people who are oily as well not needing to blot until after lunch when they touched up their makeup.  Lucky girls, no joy for me. 

Overall, I don't regret the purchase, but I can't say it's going to keep the oils at bay since that wasn't my experience.  Again, the transaction was very smooth, this company has a Facebook, blog, and maybe a twitter, they have other products as well, which confused me as not only is there a name change but there are tons of other which might cause problems so I've included the one you want to pick if you decide to give this a go.  I would recommend this product for girls who aren't very oily, and it can be used as a primer, but don't expect it to act as a virtual sponge in preventing oil production.  Stay gorgeous!

Sometimes mirrors play tricks on me.  I leave the house thinking, "Meh, you're alright."  Then something happens.  Like today, a tall, blonde with long straight hair passes me, and I'm carrying my esteem with me to the train.  I thought this was over.  Seriously, I don't believe in comparing myself to other people.  It's too much energy on something I have no control over.  I will never be them, no surgery, hair/skin/eye color will make me them.  I was done with it and it happened.  

On top of it, a really handsome bloke asked me out for drinks after work.  I made an excuse and didn't offer another time.  I thought, "He's too pretty, his teeth are white and big like piano keys, and his hair is wicked."  This translates to:  I'm not good enough he must just be a player and see if I'll put out.  He's a man, they love sex and they are wired to hunt. 

I hurt two people that way.  I judge him and put him with the likes of a dog just because he does what I do.  Gets up and tries to look his best.  I know "Straight men don't..." Wrong!  Men have the same insecurities we do.  It takes courage and balls nerve to ask a co-worker girl out.  Some of us need to recognize that men are subject to scrutiny like women.  For every dog there's a bitch right?  He can't be a player if there's no one to play with so let's keep it 100 and admit we find fault with men to make ourselves feel better or worse.

I noticed I do it all the time.  I immediately look at guys as friends.  I don't even consider them as options.  I told myself that it was because they were "friends" but aren't friends the step before relationships?  I have let my insecurities extend to those who are kind and undeserving.  Why?  I reckon it's a form of self sabotage.  A wall keeps people away, but it also keeps us locked in. 

So, what am I going to do?  I'm going to be kind and considerate to people more than I have.  It's just spending time together, I wouldn't stress if a friend asked, so why jump to conclusions.  He may not have anything on his mind like that.  Maybe he wants to know how to satisfy his girlfriend.  Or, maybe he's coming out of the closet and wants some advice?  What if he thinks my hair is fake and wants to confront me when no one's around?  See... who really knows what people are thinking.  I don't think society needs to give us subliminal tones that we are inadequate, we do it to ourselves.  So, let's stop comparing apples to oranges and our insides with others' outsides.  Love yourself, or I will until you can!

xoxo

I'm finally accepting that the economy simply sucks!  I have endured more in the last year, than I have in the last ten.  There's been nothing but change!  Even my forums are reloaded and I am an avid lurker.  *Some forums are best left for seasoned participants* I am a self confessed nose.  Not nosey, nose.  I sniff EVERYTHING!!! If I grab something, whether or not its' edible, I take a whiff.  If it pongs, it's tossed.  Nothing that smells rank is kept.  I don't play roulette with my stomach, if something doesn't smell fresh, it's tossed.  Same with anything on my face.  I went to The Body Shop  to purchase more Satsuma oil to keep in my burner.  The staff told me they know longer had it, and to check back around the holidays.  Right... I'd been watching beauty vlogs about soap making so I deduced there must be somewhere people are able to get fragrances, oils, scents, flavours, etc. to make all these body treats.  I was right.  I found Nature's Garden and though it's called Nature's Garden Candles it's so much more than candles. 

 I loved this transaction!  This was an arbitrary transaction, I was searching for Satsuma and they were one of the e-tailers who carried it.  I didn't know what to expect, but I browsed through the site and it was so informative, I felt like I wanted to make soy candles.  I learnt a lot, but this was meant for the home.  I like having fragrances in the restroom, kitchen, auto, etc. for various reasons.  Sometimes I need it to relax, think of a cold winter night, sipping tea, burning sweet fragrance and reading a book, watching telly, or time with your partner.  That's me.  The staff was so kind, I inadvertently left out numbers on my debit card and the owner called me straight away, and sent me confirmation.  Today, I came home to my package and this is after UPS missed me by one day.  It hasn't been a full week!  What I didn't know was there is a ratio of how much scent is used for various material compounds, as well as the true level of fragrance.  I've bought those .33 oz vials at drugstores and they have no scent, this site let's you know how strong the scent is.  Mine were (medium and strong) I am so happy with my purchase.  Part of me wants to make crafts and order more stuff, but I don't really have people who are interested, but I can donate them to a shelter so who knows.  If you are into bath and body type things, this is a great item to get for way less than you get at department stores.  I wish I could tell the former places (the ones we all go to) to suck it! But I am a believer in karma.

I don't know if it's sad or pathetic, but I get so excited to get things in the mail.  Even though I ordered and pay for things myself, it feels like a present!  I have more bad experiences so when something good happens, it feels like God is showing me a sign to hang on.  Corny? Yes!  But it gets me through the tough times.  

I felt the need to include a picture, I have to get over myself.  Many people see blogs with the writer's photos as narcissistic, but guess what? How can I show anything if it's not utilized?  Like the shadow for this day, look!