 |
| The face of fear! |
So, it's time for me to do something I have been
putting off for six years! I cannot believe I'm doing this, but the best way to conquer a fear is by facing head on. This post will serve as documentation of the journey upon me.
For most people, the task is something they could do in an hour tops. In fact, many are, have, and continue to do so. I hate ominous posts, but it's just my nerves and the show will go on, to all things superficial.
I am so nervous. I don't want the experiment to be compromised, but it's one hell of an experiment. I tried watching this movie on Lifetime about a pregnancy pact. It's amazing the things one must endure in order to conduct a theory. I always admired the show 20/20 for being able to chronicle ignoble acts by social experiment. I remember there being to men who were exactly the same, with exception to their race. It's amazing that people still have prejudices and when it's brought to their attention they seem shocked and appalled at the reporter for tricking them. Sure, it's sort of cruel, but how else can you get unbiased data to support or defend an argument? Fortunately, there will be some confusion, I may be accused of lying, and most likely will anger a few.
I'm excited to see how this unfolds, but again, it's not an area of my life I have ever diverted from, but I am so curious as to the outcome. So, this is day one, and hopefully at the end of this assignment, I will have a great project worth putting myself, family and friends,....ugh....job on the line. People don't like to feel tricked, but how can you conduct a study if you advertise it and expect unbiased data?
Each year I do the same bl**dy thing, I cannot wait until a new year begins. To me, it's like spring it signifies a new beginning. For girls like me, I always welcome a fresh start. I am realistic though, I realize there are things I cannot control. I cannot control things which I have no power over. The economy, the war, the corruption and the fact that life is not fair. It used to be that your education was a segway to a career, skill trumped opportunity and hard work would eventually pay off.
Currently, it's marketing, public relations and what you look like, with a few exceptions. I have seen people who have worked their asses off in the makeup artistry industry not get signed by agencies who will sign a popular guru on YouTube, I've seen brands market their products to people who make videos whose demographic are the 12-19 age range with things they can't afford. There I said it. But, I've also seen YouTubers who aren't the stereotypical beauty be featured on George Lopez, I've seen a "dowdy" Susan Boyle break records late in life, and I've seen people who would never have an opportunity to make people smile, like me (Michael Buckley, MsFili et al) this past year.
I don't know what the purpose of this post was, other than to say, "If you have a dream, you have a chance, but if you don't try, you'll never know." I wish I were the type to say screw them, and put myself out there, but I'm not. I've endured too much pain to put myself out there and can't fault anyone but me. 100% of shots never tried have failed, so for me, I will make it a point to face my fears one day at a time this coming year. Not everyone will like me, some will say ugly things, and there will ALWAYS be someone who will bring you down, rain on your sun, and tell you how ugly, fat, stupid, etc. I am, but it stops today. It should have stopped a long, long time ago. But in the tradition of New Year's Eve, I must have at least one resolution, and it's said if you put something in writing, the odds are better you will achieve it. Who's with me? If anyone reads this and wants a support system, you have it here. I will accept your past, support your present, and encourage your future.
xoxo
B.P. was ashamadely absent yesterday. I might add that it was due to reasons of my own making. Unfortunately, though I may be old in years, my behavior can be quite juvenile. Spiritually, I think this gal has run her gamut of self destructive behavior. I learn something new about life and myself everyday. Today, I am taking steps to not take myself so serious. I guess I feel I have a lot of "shoulda, woulda, coulda's" and for a woman at my age, I feel I cheated myself out of so much. I do get sad this time of year and I envy people who have a good supportive family. Well, I have to play the hand I was dealt, I have been independent for a long time, and I had no idea how much hurt and anger I carried within. Watching reactions from last night's election results did remind me that ANYTHING is possible if you believe in yourself and work hard enough! Well, I may be one of the oldest makeup gurus on the planet, but I won't let that insecurity keep my talent hidden.
This morning, as I was leaving for work, I attempted to take a photo of me and my little Eli for this blog. Well, dogs are not too keen on having their mum leave let alone posing for a photo. It became frustrating so, rather than be late, I left. Today, I challenge you to do something you fear. We all tend to be in our comfort zones, make a step toward crossing one thing of your bucket list. I believe in you, so you should to. Stay beautiful, xx
Munere veritus fierent cu sed, congue altera mea te, ex clita eripuit evertitur duo. Legendos honestatis ad mel. Legendos honestatis Munere veritus fierent cu sed, congue altera mea te, ex clita eripuit.