The Beauty Thesis : haters

Showing posts with label haters. Show all posts

Truer words have never been spoken. Let's talk...If you have more than a dozen friends, you're being used. If you think some of your "friends" don't secretly harbor jealousy or envy, you are fooling yourself. The internet is great! You "meet" people by e-mail, texting, instant messaging, etc. and they can live in the same town or even a different country. What people don't realize and it happens far too often. People only show you who they want you to see online. People can create an identity and use it to gain your trust, your friendship and in many cases, your money. People have agendas and their are a lot of lonely and f*cked people in the world. Cruel? Let's give a few examples:

You Tuber is so sweet, so helpful, so nice and beautiful. Guess what? There are gurus who have more sh*t going on in their heads than in a 24 hour psychiatric ward. You Tubers may enjoy making videos, but it's because they like the responses and interaction at first, then ... yep. People get scammed all the time, so lesson? Stop thinking what you see is real! Some of them are, but stop with the idolizing, no one is perfect and they sure as hell aren't better than you!

You have a best friend, one in that dozen you call "friends." You tell her all about your problems with your boyfriend, she knows about your sex life, the fights, in fact you know more about him than he knows about his self. Guess what? Yep, they had sex. Of course they did! She secretly had a crush on him, and one day he asked her why you were being such a bitch. She saw an opportunity, played him by using you and "it just happened." No, it didn't. Get this, if your partner, lover, et al is all that, remember when you told her about the shopping spree, over time she's going to end up loving the same things about him you do!

Your co-worker "friend" who you can vent to about "work stuff" *face palm* Girl, if your game is on, she's waiting. Trust me, if you are a female at any job, if there are women there you have the ingredients for drama. It's not about if it happens, it's a matter of when. Why? If you read this blog you're a diva. You know that YOU are the most precious commodity. You go to work looking stellar, you smell good, makeup is fab, clothes are on point and you're rocking the heels. I'd hate on you too! Women don't work well together in an office environment. I dunno why, but eventually one of your "secrets" will get out and feelings get hurt and then all the "venting" you did was transferred to someone who can use it against you. Don't think because you work together you can trust each other, it's a game and times are hard and no one wants to be unemployed. Remember to keep your friends close and your enemies closer, talk to them, build alliances, but don't get caught up. Keep it short, sweet and simple, need to vent, journal, cry, but don't spill it!

Sorority Sisters are my "best friends." I shouldn't even have to waste my time on this. If you believe this you've been watching Lauren Conrad on the Hills. That girl through the word "best friend" around like a football. Dumb ass. The only one who she could trust was the one she left out the most. Whitney! Sororities are great ways to make friends for a long time, but not all of them are to be trusted even after pledging. You will eventually be successful and success breeds contempt. Do you think all of the shenanigans you pulled off is going to be a secret forever? One word: Facebook!

By now you're thinking "Oh my God this post was so negative, you don't know (insert name here)?" No, I don't. What I do know is that I have lived in a lot of countries, I've been "that" girl EVERYONE confides in. Boys, girls, bosses, co-workers, clergy, married, single, straight...The reason people tell me so much? I don't repeat it. I love secrets, it's a form of insurance for me. Sick? I know, but I learn a lot as well. What's more, I've been burned too. People I've known who "found out" insider information leaked it. Recovery is possible, but it's a bitch.

Just be careful. The friends who you lean on the most need to be acknowledged all the time. That one sided friendship is selfish. To have a friend be a friend, but don't be stupid. Stop sending money, gifts, etc. to people on line unless you've established they are bona fide and even then, go slow, we're human we all make mistakes. You know the friends you had and you f*cked up and quit talking to? Dumb ass! There is nothing that cannot be fixed by communicating. If you still think of them, they probably were a true friend. As we get older, it's not easy building friendships. We go off to college, graduate, marry, travel, find a new crowd or have kids. That's why there are so many messed up people in the world. Love truly heals a broken heart. A road trip with music and snacks? Cheaper than therapy, but stop wasting time on the wrong people.

xo

p.s. "A good friend will come bail you out of jail, but a true friend will be sitting next to you saying...'Damn, we fucked up!'" <~ so true

by The Beauty Thesis on 12:26 PM

Truer words have never been spoken. Let's talk...If you have more than a dozen friends, you're being used. If you think some of you...

I think the first time I heard the word "hater" was in the mid to late 90s. It was later used often in conversations. I even sang along with 3LW "Haters gone hate, playas gone play, and ballas gonna ball..." Now, it's 2010 and a piece of me screams internally when I hear the word "hater." Last night, I heard Sean Hannity say he was troubled by all of his haters due to Hannity's disdain toward President Obama. Well...it's not Hannity v. Obama that disturbs me. But, when someone like Hannity says the term, it's time to hang it up and move on. Seriously, since the term went from the urban to the suburban crowd the word has lost the meaning and use altogether. Let it be known, "When a word gets used by the likes of anyone on the Hills, politics, or anyone who lives in the suburbs, the word is played out." There I said it. It's ran its course, and we need to surrender it and let it go.

Additionally, if you're going to use the word, use it properly. You can't disagree or give constructive criticism without being called or accused of hatin. Seriously, let me give an example.

A: Halle Berry is ugly (hater)

B: I don't like the dress Halle Berry is wearing, it's not flattering (NOT hating)

The difference? Although beauty is subjective, it's really far fetched to say Halle is ugly. Some may not find her the most attractive or find her plain, but she's alot of things, but not ugly. In the second example, we have a statement followed by an observation. That's not hating, it's an opinion. I see so many examples where people have cried "HATER!" and it's not accurate. Can we not have opinions without sending people to pasture?

There are so many words that have come and gone, and come back again i.e. sick, sweet, tight, etc. I heard Tara Reid call something "sick" and it made me feel sick to be honest. Why? That's a sign the word has been killed. If I hear Hillary say I'm hating on her because I think her hairstyle is played out, I am going to call Dr. Kevorkian that same day.

So, today's lesson? When you are tempted to say someone's hating on you, just remember, sometimes haters tell the truth, even if they ARE hating. Check yourself, that dress may make you look fat, your eyeshadow may be too heavy, your hair may need a trim, but it's not that serious. It's just an observation, we need to be able to call a spade a spade. *Kanye shrug* Just sayin...

xoxo

Stop the Hate! No, really stop with the "haters"!

by The Beauty Thesis on 12:24 AM

I think the first time I heard the word "hater" was in the mid to late 90s. It was later used often in conversations. I even san...

I have never been one to comprehend mean spirited people. Even as a child, I never understood when kids would pick on other kids. When the kid was me, I felt it was because of the usual. Black, chubby, female, dumb, new kid, and so on.
What I am learning as an adult is that those people truly never grew up. The names and faces are different but the behavior is the same.
This is a topic I really thought I would never address. I think people use the term "hater" far too often. I get that not everyone will like what I say, how I look or how I dress. I see the stares, the rolled eyes and it really doesn't affect the way I choose to dress. What I don't understand is when people take it to a graduated level. I'm talking the level of trying to get you fired, starting rumours about you or your family and even spreading lies. That can only be called hate, I can't think of any reason a person would go for the jugular of another, especially if they don't know them.
I visit a few forums to get ideas on clothing, style, beauty et al. I like to research and sometimes interact with other members. What I don't understand is when a member gets an attitude towards another member on a forum. Most times I find it funny. I actually like some of the more aggressive boards because those people can cut you with their tongue and not miss a beat. In addition, there are some quite intelligent people who post and it's quite refreshing to learn something new each day.
I even have to look within myself at times, as there is a woman, much older than me, married with a son and she goes out of her way to make me and others try to feel small. Why? I can honestly say she lives a sheltered life. Her husband works which allows her to be online all day (another topic for another post). She thinks her husband is the sun and moon and will not hesitate for a moment to express her opinion about anything and everything.
Now, I could blast her @ss and it would be an enormous weight off my shoulders. I know I would have her in tears not to mention rethinking some of the decisions she makes in her life. The point is, I don't. I don't say a word. She responded to me in a post, and I gave her a pass. I could have made her look small, pathetic, and uneducated not to mention give her a reason to not trust her younger husband, but I shook it off. That's what people need to learn to do with "haters." You must shake them off. Giving power to people who have no impact on your day to day life is a waste of energy. If they are people you must have contact with, keep it brief and keep it moving. Your hater(s) will begrudge you and begin the next level of attack but raise your security level and be prepared for the disaster. In time, he/she will get bored and move on to the next victim. But you have to let them go. Trust me, they will try to provoke, stir and wreak havoc on you, but do not let them steal your joy.
You answer to one person and you have to live with yourself, what happens to us and around us we have no control over, but what we do about it is our responsibility. Let them hate, but just do you. In time, you will feel pity on them. While they're busy plotting, you're busy living.

Roaring along