hmm...
I was hesitant to see this film. To be honest, the way it was sold to me and the comparison to Bonnie and Clyde did not appeal to me. I am glad I went but I wish it was either a take on Bonnie and Clyde or about racial disparity for blacks. The story was great but if you follow the story of Bonnie and Clyde, it made sense but the message was so much deeper than it was hard to compartmentalize.
Google images
The actors were great, although as British actors played the major roles, I felt it would have been nice to give the American actors their shine. The race relations for blacks in the United States are different than that of the United Kingdom albeit disparate in both countries. I digress.
I am glad I was wrong about the actors, they took you on an emotional journey. The correlations were similar, Bonnie and Clyde were "on the run" traveling from Texas to Louisiana, Queen and Slim were traveling from Ohio, headed to Cuba but stopped in....yep, Louisiana. If this were not about "black Bonnie and Clyde" why did they title it with the woman's name first? Queen->Bonnie first and Slim->Clyde and not Slim and Queen? Directors don't just "happen to" do anything. They know when they created the title exactly how to leave bread crumbs to lead you in said direction. Also, Queen being shot in her thigh was reminiscent of Bonnie's third-degree burns from either battery acid or petrol fire.
Queen and Slim were great in that the movie got right to the main story as opposed to dragging it out. I found myself getting emotional at times. Like Clyde, Slim was heavily influenced by Queen. The director uses Tinder to explain why the two were together, we meet them mid-date, we didn't have an opening where she decides to swipe, then gets ready for a date, nervousness brought on from blind dates, the friend that encourages or discourages her, and so on. Nope, they've ordered, the food is brought out and that's where we meet the characters. Queen didn't score points and if I were Slim I would have left as soon as the meal was over because of her sidity and critical attitude towards a nice guy (blessing the food, trust God license plate, family-oriented). We learn that she must have gotten picked up from her house. Rule Violation #1 for blind dates. We know there is going to be the scene that becomes the plot if you will. I was triggered by the scene because it reminds us that in a gnat's eyelash to 2020, blacks are still treated unjustly by law enforcement and the system so we know that could be us, and society knows the system fails people of colour. This made me so angry because we can count incidents where blacks were minding their business eating ice cream or sitting on a couch and they are shot by an officer. We have an innate fear that is an unspoken systematic behavior. We encounter we can die. For instance, an officer passed me whilst waking my dog and drove slowly as he passed me as if he was looking for someone and wanted to see if I had the matching characteristics. Black girl, doesn't matter height or weight, he just needs an arrest then determines my innocence and my first thought is, "I hope someone has a phone and gets whatever may come of this on tape" because he could make any narrative to justify shooting me. I hate that this is the first thought rather than "Oh, a cop is looking for someone or someplace..." I digress again! See what this film does? You relate and have your own real-life situation from a movie that could not happen as much as it could happen.
So, like Bonnie, Queen has on a dress and heels. Bonnie had a limp, Queen has been grazed by a gunshot but she decides to pick a dress, almost a slip, and some high heeled boots. The actress was so good looking all I thought about was how I could not tell her anything with how her body, her walk, she was bad. We never learn Slim's real name or why he's got that moniker, but he picks a more realistic outfit, but he went through all that and his kicks were snow white. See, it's ridiculous but you are wanting more. "How are they just happen..." yet you are drawn in to see how the situation will work itself out. This all happens from a Tinder date? Really?! Give me more! The dynamics are too much. We see that each stop someone just happens to have a contact that will help them get to Cuba.
The scene with the white couple kept you guessing but so much happens you are following different situations simultaneously, "Will the white woman sell them out?" "They don't know where the hot spots to hide are located will they be able to hide?" Once you get through and exhale because they succeeded but then Bonnie dislocates her shoulder. What?! Oddly enough Slim just so happens to know just how to pop it back into place the first try, and we don't know why or how he obtained that skill, but here it comes, yay her shoulder is fixed but oh sh*t the cop heard her. There happens to be a garage with a car and no one's home apparently. God-fearing Christian Slim learned how to hotwire a car but we learn it was something he and his brother did to their parents. Black family mom and dad are married, no stereotypical black male with absent father here...Again, you get in your yay the car starts, they can get back on the road, Oh no! What's going to happen? The scene is deer in the headlights in the car, deer in the headlights opening the garage. The two parties are shocked and scared of each other but we get a reprieve. This never happens but I'm here for it! They luck out AGAIN... (now I understand people who hate-watch)
We are driving with the characters, who at each stop is recognized. How does everyone know who they are, minus insane white kid oblivious to the newspaper with Queen and Slim posted? If I'm in a club, and it's dark, I wouldn't recognize my own family. When would that happen? Exactly!
Like Bonnie and Clyde, they are Robin Hood and Romeo and Juliet to the public and idolized for their crime spree. Everyone loves an underdog.
Fast forward because this is getting out of hand and I find myself confused with my feelings. Oxymoron FTL! The finale comes, and although we see they are so close, within yards, of their goal, we know something is going to happen. At this point, we are captivated. We want to know how this is going to play out and what will be their legacy. Clyde was shot in the head and died before he felt it, according to an autopsy, in this version it is one bullet to Queen's chest. Okay, she's down, they have declared their love, taught each other how to love, have intense sex, and put their lives and fate in one another's hands, so is Clyde Slim going to run toward them shouting because they killed his soul mate, is he going to turn and run toward the plane. Uh-oh, he's picking up Queen and carrying her lifeless body as if he's going to hand a baby back to its mum. They ask him to stop and loose hands hooligan who accidentally shot Queen is where the camera pans as if he made eye contact with the cop who executed his soulmate, but he then looks at each and everyone as they hover in helicopters, barricade the landing strip and have their fingers on the trigger. We walk with him and are thinking, he knows he's going to die right now...he's sprayed with gunfire and the screen fades to black I'm waiting for credits to roll, but we see the "legacy" the couple had on the public. Gayle King reports on the story and recounts all the events, such as the protest, we see the uncle at the funeral, we see the white couple and then boom. We see the "friend" who had a friend with a plane counting the reward money, in cash. Noooo! It was one of us, the wife didn't do it. But why did this white man know Mr. Gold Teeth Smokin Blunts? How were they, friends? We learn the purpose of each character, we know why Queen goes to her uncle, we know why her uncle is friends with the man from the white couple, (didn't catch their names but of course, Chloë Sevigny
plays that character who just so happened to sell out Gypsy Rose) by that man and the sell out? Did they have a near-death experience or something so that they had faith in each other with such a serious and criminally compromising situation? Did the white guy have anything to do with their apprehension, because I never hated an actor as much as I do at this moment?
I left the theatre happy that I went, that I was wrong, but also sad and angry. Later I had an epiphany that I told my white uncle. "Uncle, I don't think I could feel 100% with a white partner" In my mind, there is so much that happens where I look at the white race resenting the fact I do things to make them feel comfortable in my presence, I speak differently to them than my own, that they can get angry and as a male not get arrested, and as a woman not be labeled as the angry....you get the picture. It's bad enough you don't know what neckbones, ham hocks, are and your collards and sweet potatoes taste like sh*t. You don't remember "new growth" and jerry curl juice but you want to tell me you should be able to say something. Always need to be telling us to accommodate you. You see the madness. Maybe people are right and I overthink too much because I seriously came home and wanted to get other reviews on Youtube so I could get a different perspective...
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source: Google Images
Lately, I cannot seem to get away from women commenting about other womens' hairline. It's quite annoying because *leans in* NOT EVERYONE HAS A THICK HAIRLINE!!!
When lace fronts were really popular around 2006-08, people were learning to "thin hairlines" on their wigs so that they resembled a natural hairline. I was born with a thick hairline, but it came with the 4 Z very coiled, wig like hair. I hated it, and thinned it as much as possible. If I didn't my hairline would blend into my eyebrows. I was thinking about my hairline the other day and wondered how many people think I have a love lorn possum or wig on my head. It's so thick it sometimes feels like I look like those cut outs at theme parks that you put your face in the whole and take a photo as someone else. Like a painting of Popeye and Olive Oil, but if you put your face in the hole it's you as the caricature. I walk around like that 24/7 so I have been looking into laser hair removal. It's expensive, but I'm so insecure because of the rise in sensitivity towards the care and density of women's hairline.
I understand the discussion about the supermodel with a balding hairline and I sympathize because her photos are splattered on social media, unlike when they used to put the black rectangle to hide the identity of the fashion, hair or whatever faux pas victim we just put people on blast.
There are things that can be done to regrow the hairline but if it's not in one's genetics, you're most likely buying snake oil.
Here are a few things that don't work. I would go so far as to say these are things that may be exacerbating the problem.
  1. Stop laying your edges! I know that it's the in thing to do, but why are all my naturals trying to have smooth relaxed looking edges? You see women tying their hair down to the point they cut the circulation. Leave them alone, stop putting products, brushing, and tying them down.
  2. Baby hair! We are bringing back 2009, and obsessed with baby hair again. I know of a few women who relax their edges to get the baby hair but how can you have baby hair and thick hairlines? 
  3. Stop the braids! You need to ease up on the braids, this is called traction alopecia. If you must wear a protective style, then get a wig or wear a turban or wrap long enough to allow the circulation or you may cause follicular damage to your hairline and that's not easy to undo.
There are some things that are easy, inexpensive and will help to recharge your hairline and, with patience, a few suggestions, you can have a thicker hairline by next season.

  1.  Massage your scalp! Scalp massage will stimulate circulation and help the blood flow back in the areas that were obstructed. You can do this in the evening prior to going to bed and if you can't find or afford a massager, use your hands. I've known some people to get success buy putting their head down and massaging whilst upside down.
  2. Massage Oils! Tea tree oil is said to be good if you have any follicular damage, infections, or scalp issues; however, there are oils that stimulate circulation such as cinnamon, pumpkin, avocado and other oils. Do research oils for hair growth/stimulation and understand it's trial and error so what works for some may not work the same for you.
  3. See a dermatologist or trichologist. There's nothing worse than trying to fix something that is broken. It's like when someone has a headache and they take aspirin only to find out they have migraines, or other serious head trauma. It's wise to see a specialist rather than play doctor. I cannot stress that enough! All the tips and tricks won't work if there is a serious underlying issue.
  4. Get a full check up! Have some tests run. I am severely anemic and require iron transfusions and medical shots because supplements don't work for my levels. You may have an hormone imbalance or something that causes your hair to fall. In addition, you can catch any illness early on if you choose to have a check up, and your body and mind will thank you.
  5. Hydration and silk. Water, water and more water. If you drink coffee, you're depleting your body of water, so for every cup of coffee have two waters or double the amount of water to whatever diuretic such as beer, alcohol etc. Protect your hair with silk as you replenish your body with water.
The process may seem  futile and there will be days that seem hopeless, but the construction and rebuilding of any foundation should be strong, sturdy and short of quick fixes. You can go the Minoxidil or Nioxin route, or take supplements like B Complex, Biotin, or whatever vitamin cocktail popular on the hair forums, but you will still need to modify your current habits to preserve any repair/regrowth.

Please let me know how you get on, this is something I am quite passionate about. For centuries black women have been lead to believe our hair was inferior, nappy and won't grow; we've been fed a lot of fallacies, but our hair grows, it has various densities, curl patterns and growth rates, but it's good and when taken care of, it's beautiful!

xoxo
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There's nothing worse than when I get clients that have been given misguided information and it results in their face looking like they let a child colour on their face. We'll call her Jane Q. Citizen. Jane comes to me with her makeup done stating she wants to look "more polished." I often ask clients to bring a photo that captures the look (not the model) they're going for. For instance, is polished, natural as in little make up or clean as is minimal but bold blips? "Like this girl" she says pointing to a well known Instagram makeup poster. "Huh.... so you want to look like you're wearing makeup?" She looks perplexed so she shows the video that she followed to obtain the look she's currently wearing. As we watch, I hand her a makeup wipe to remove the Spackle so we can start fresh faced.
I ask her if she brought her products which she did and we start. What people say isn't always what we hear. Jane didn't realise that many terms aren't synonymous. For instance, if you are concealing something, you never get a shade two lighter than your own complexion. You want your complexion and depending on what you are concealing you will have a peach tint if it's a dark spot. The only time you want to get any foundation that is lighter than your skin tone is to HIGHLIGHT!!!! Most people walking around don't need a highlight. If you want your features to stand out, you can play them up but you don't need a highlight to accent your eyes, lips or any feature. Great brows? Leave them alone a la Cara Delivigne. Nice Lips? Exfoliate and moisturise and experiment with lip colours. Nice eyes? Mascara! Nice eyes, no lashes, demi lashes and a kitten flick!
I understand the trends but they are simply that. Trends! The only time contouring and highlighting makes much difference is in photographs or low lights. Having dinner with someone special? Of course the highlight will look major when it's reflecting from candle or dim lights. Taking a head shot? Highlight will look like the sun just kissed you there, but if you don't know what you're doing, you're going to have a face full of streaks.
Take what they say online like you would a rumour. There may be truth to it, but don't count it as fact or a scholarly source depending on the person. There are a lot of things like, "clean up my brow" or "conceal my eye bags with a concealer two shades lighter than my face" You clean your brows when you pluck the hair that's stray or you conceal your bags by using a salmon based concealer and then applying your regular foundation. When a person says anything and it ends with "like a pro" don't be fooled. All the "pros" do things differently and it's based on skin tone, texture, elasticity and purpose. You can watch "How to get a flawless face" all day every day but no one has a flawless face, so if you want a one dimensional face with no textures or tone, be my guest.
Just because people have a large following, does not mean they have what it takes to make you look your best. They don't know your skin, your undertones, your trouble spots so the most they can do is give general direction.
Jane and I spent a long time working on her look. Not because she was in need, I rarely advocate the need for makeup as opposed to the love for experiment. It's not good or healthy to feel one needs makeup to be attractive. Jane simply needed to learn about her face so she could have more knowledge when selecting products to enhance her natural features. Cool undertones with warm makeup shades can make her look dirty. Her hair is too warm for the pink in her porcelain skin so that's the beauty of makeup. You experiment, and by that you learn. What didn't work today, a few tweaks and tomorrow she can wear that colour but effortless is always the goal.
If you have beauty questions, aren't sure about a product, drop me a line, I love to help!!

xo
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The beauty world didn't seem fun. I went from a starving student, a working professional, and now just starving.
I used to love coming home and wasting time watching people enjoy the same things I enjoyed on YouTube. Makeup, fashion, hair, dating the whole lot. Then things changed. It wasn't just money and sponsorship but a lot of information I didn't want to know but partook in.
It was tempting to get gossip from forums about social media personalities. But now it's making looking and feeling good a source of negative.
Back to just having fun, making mistakes and living.

Back to Basics

by on 11:40 AM
The beauty world didn't seem fun. I went from a starving student, a working professional, and now just starving. I used to love comin...
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Here we go again...I'm going to just post "ditto" when this happens. I don't like to blog like before...it's like being in a cult. The level of animosity, cattiness and backstabbing I see at events makes me less interested in sitting down and having fun posting photos of all the cool goodies.
Not only that, I'm really struggling with being in the beauty field now that I'm a bona fide adult. I will always enjoy primping, and looking at magazines for inspiration but when I look at social interest I feel vain, egotistical and .... UGLY!
I never knew I was unattractive until I saw all these beautiful women who were giving advice on how to be confident, how to look good when you're sick, how to pose for pictures and I don't feel comfortable posting on Instagram because I don't use all the filters so I see every single flaw. Each flaw that I don't really focus on is x1000.
I like to practice different looks and techniques to do hair, nails, eyeliner, and diys, but posting them feels vain. It feels like I'm saying "Look at me aren't I pretty?" but how do you enjoy writing about beauty and share your experience if you can't get past it?
Honestly, it's hard to feel good when your world is falling apart. I guess I just have to force myself to do it anyway, so hopefully, you will join me on this journey of getting out of our comfort zone! We got this! Right?

Anybody Home?

by on 9:11 PM
Here we go again...I'm going to just post "ditto" when this happens. I don't like to blog like before...it's like be...
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Core Blimey!I don't understand people sometimes. The struggle is real. I don't know what to do with this blog. I like beauty, fashion etc. but my life has been about deeper issues later so I've been confused. I'm sort of scared to let go, but I am not into the "beauty culture" as its gotten so shady that it's not fun. It's a business to blog/vlog, so I feel like a twat. I enjoy writing, I really want to write so many stories, but this was just where I could document things I enjoy. I go through products like mad, and I wanted to be able to chart the progress of how my "X" reacted to product "Y" when I moved on. For example, I have forgotten that I bought something, stashed it away, and then repurchased it. I've also tossed out things like most of my As I Am products, but then I'll read reviews and think maybe I got a bad batch, and buy it again, but if I get the same result, then my hair, skin or whatever, doesn't like said product.
Now, the things happening in my life are so intense, that makeup is rare for me to experiment with. If it's not for a job, it's not happening for me. I'm not going out, I don't wear it to work,  and I'm tired of putting it on others and talking about it. I guess I'm coasting and need to get in the fast lane.
Now that I peek out and see what's up, it's all about the "show reel" and not keeping it real. I love looking at things on Instagram, but I wonder about people who feel the need to always take their picture. There's a woman who posts several photos of herself a day and people in her comments are fawning over her and admiring her life, but if her life is so great, why is she online and not living it? Same with the videos, no one wants to make videos to help others, it's all about numbers, sponsors, adverts, etc. and it's made people disgusted. The link in the description will be a novel with lists of codes and links to products under the guise of providing a link so you don't have to search for yourself.
It's so bad that if you post a link or mention a product, your guilty until proven innocent of having something sinister in your post. Well, unless you're me because I don't sit with them. I'm not about that life, I'm just musing over here not making a dime, or giving a uh-huh.
What is the point? Keeping up with the current custom would have me broke, depressed and competing with a facade. Trust me, if someone's life seems so great online, then they most likely aren't enjoying themselves offline. I don't blame them, it's an ego boost having people want to be you, but when the clothes, shoes, makeup, hair come off, you will find one vulnerable insecure person because the person the internet loves is not who they are when they're in their own skin.


#xo
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I've been watching Celebrity Big Brother, UK and there is a woman called Alicia Douvall and she really made me think.I look at her and wonder if she sees what I see. I see a woman who can barely move her face and whose eyes seemed surprised as a result of extreme cosmetic procedures. It made me really think when she revealed she had 18 breast augmentations and still needed and wanted more work done.
I wanted lipo for my thighs, and breasts but in the time it took for me to gather the courage, I realised that I was being selfish. Right now there is a woman who's just been told she has breast cancer and I'm worried about looking perky whilst naked. My breasts are small and they don't sit like they used to but I'm getting older every day, I've lost and gained weight and the elasticity in my skin has played a major factor in my flabby bits. If saggy breasts, loose skin and all my other flaws are my greatest problems, I am very blessed and shall quit whilst I am ahead. Sure I may not attract a celebrity or even someone physically good looking, but in the experiences I have had, high profile people and I don't work. All that glitters isn't gold and I would take a simple, humble relationship with comforts of simplicity, than the "you're only dating them because..." That's another post.
What worried me, was when Alicia stated she could not live without her breast implants. She wants to walk in a room and have people want to "f*ck her" rather than be powerful and "fear her" and that is really sad. She has to realise she's more than that; however, have you watched YouTube videos? The beauty gurus used to speak about confidence, embracing flaws, and using makeup to create new looks and feel pretty. Now there are so many young vloggers who are having several cosmetic procedures such as: nose breast, fillers, Botox, and rhinoplasty. There are predominately young gurus under age 30 and have a following of girls as young as ten who look up to them. It's not their job to parent other people's children, but it's hypocritical to promote natural beauty, embracing imperfections and partake in these procedures. If you are blessed with a platform where others are stating, "you're my role model" because you accept your flaws but in reality, you don't it's not fair to misguide others. There's no shame in owning your flaws and having cosmetic procedures, sharing that helps prevent deceit. It's fine to say imperfections are a  part of life, but I had a procedure on my nose because I had been telling myself I was okay with it, but in reality each day it makes me feel self conscious. It isn't going to make me perfect, but I want to feel less preoccupied about my nose when meeting people or having interviews and not feeling like my nose is the focal point. I guess that women are our worst critics. We expect others to accept themselves but we comment on their flaws to feel relate-able. Then when they alter their appearance we call foul.
We can't stop ourselves from aging; but, the duck lips, frozen face, and encapsulated breasts make the process  more difficult. It seems that it becomes its own addiction and women can't see how they really look. Think about what Big Ang would look like if she left herself alone.
Accepting flaws still has to be done in order to prevent this obsession from becoming a lifestyle. Not one of these women seeking fuller lips have obtained that Angelina Jolie bee stung lip. The more one aims at perfections the further their goal as it's a moving target. All the procedures in the world won't help until one accepts they will never be perfect and we all get old if we're blessed to live long enough.


xo
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I wish there was a way to discern whether or not products work prior to purchase.  There are samples such as those in magazines, or offered when purchasing online. Sephora do this often; however, there isn't time enough for you to judge the quality and efficacy with a pea sized amount
Recently, I saw an advert on telly about the "beauty graveyard" which is similar to the "products I regret purchasing" for everyday people.
I'm struggling with dry hands right now and it seems that nothing I do is enough. I drink loads of water to the point it's disrupting my sleep; however, I've been using Vaseline, nursing creams, water resistant lotions, etc. They work, but I don't like that my hands look old. I know it's shallow and superficial, but I have long, thin fingers with visual veins, I am happy to have hands, but they look like they belong on someone else's wrists.
I was looking at a quite popular bloggers photos where she was showing her beautiful and luxurious handbag; however, I didn't realise that the hands holding the Celine, were hers! I was shocked as she's quite young, but her hands looked like they were those of the Queen.
Back to the point of this post. I have so many skin care products that made promises to plump, hydrate, minimise pores, eliminate sag, and I've got cleansers which proposed the same.Why not use these on my hands?
Think for a moment, they are mostly meant to be good for the face so they can't be too harsh, and if they are supposed to be meant to assist with the superficial problems with my face, why not try them on my hands?
So many people are using the fillers, injections, etc, but they aren't doing anything to their neck or hands which are tell tale signs of sun damage, dry skin, aging skin and other issues in the beauty realm.
I'm going to give it a go tonight by exfoliating my hands and then using one of my skin creams on my hands and checking back in a few.

xo
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I hate myself for participating; however, there "might" have been a viewing party. For all the seasons, there has yet to be someone of colour to be holding the roses.
To be fair, the producers have stated a lack of interest. I don't buy it, but I do think they are avoiding the pink elephant in the room. Is America ready to see an Asian, South Asian, Black, et al Bachelor/Bachelorette? Probably not, hell there was Flavor Flav right?
The show is absolutely ridiculous. I mean people go on telly to meet their husband/wife on a reality show? That alone tells me I wouldn't be interested. Seriously, even if the opportunity arose and I met someone having drinks and a chat, I don't think it would lead to an engagement. These men and women are like dogs in heat. You have the alphas, the terriers, king of the jungle and the other creatures of the wild.
I could not stop staring at the current season with Chris Soules. He's the farmer from the mid-west, who resembles a cross between Matthew McConaughey and Tim Tebow.
The women were about as interesting as a can of paint, but I was so interested in the drunkard. I'm sure they didn't eat all day, and then with the red carpet and almost Hollywood premiere party nerves were probably high. A wee bit too much champagne and I'm pretty sure she feels like a nob. What a way to make a first impression, but she got a rose.
Isn't it amazing how big and white their teeth are? Like piano keys all bright and shiny. Their hair and those gowns are a nice touch. I just don't follow the process. They're locking lips and professing their love and don't know a thing about the person. I am geeked when I see them rejected in the limo sobbing uncontrollably for not making the cut. It was the first night, surely there are other chances to meet someone and fall in love over a drink right?
I'm doubtful this crop will turn into marriage but it's fun to see how it folds. I seem to lose interest after the premier; however, I rarely find the contestants interesting.

xo
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It pains me to see people being counterproductive. For example, there are women natural and relaxed that are feeling bad about their edges. It's all well and good when we joke about having our "edges snatched" but take it from me, when your hairline has density behind your ears, it's quite humbling.
Let me share a few things so others can learn from my trials and tribulations.
  1. Stop laying the edges down. When you Spackle your hair down and brush it so it's intertwined with your skull and then tie a wrap around it so tight your brain is seeping through your ears, you are cutting off circulation. It's very hard for the blood to flow from your heart to your head when it's so constricted. Try getting one of those hand massagers
    for massaging temples!
    you can find them in the skincare aisle or any chemist/drugstore.
  2. Stop with the heavy pomades on your edges. The hair at your nape is softer and breaks easily. Much like the skin on your face, it gets clogged. Be gentle and use a lighter oil. Pumpkin oil is good for hair loss. There's also Castor, Coconut and several other oils. Use what's best for you.
  3. Be aware of the cleansers you use on your face. We aren't born with a perfect circle for a face so it is worth noting that our temples are subjected to the harsh ingredients used to wash our face. This doesn't require a regimen of concealing your hair with a shower cap to wash your makeup off or cleanse your face, just be aware and look for dryness or brittle spots that may be a result.
  4. Be patient! Watching and stressing about your thin hairline will only cause you stress. Watching grass grow would be faster because we get very obsessed and anxious about our hair. Protective hairstyles, hydration, circulation, nutrition, and a few weeks of tlc and your edges will grow. If mine can, so can yours and I was a hot mess. I still have a long way to go, but straight edges and kinky hair? Right.
    I have baby hair and side burns....oy!
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giggle
Don't you just love Instagram? I mean where else can you go to feel like you live in a fishbowl? I used to be very motivated by what I saw. Now, I look at these girls and wonder, "Where the hell are you going looking like that so early?"
I see more thirst from the attractive women that it concerns me. I don't like getting all made up unless it's a special occasion, but I'm talking about girls with their "girls" out, dresses the length of baby tees and spiked heels. I will never purchase Christian Louboutins! When a certain caliper of people are sporting a brand that's when I know it's time for me to keep moving. It's like when Ross and TK Maxx began carrying Marc Jacobs and Yves St. Laurent. It feels ratchet.
After watching a bunch of over caffeinated self entitled beauty gurus on the Internet. It's always fun to see someone complain about not receiving free gifts on time from public relations brands. It's interesting how people can be so selfish during a time of year that we are meant to be celebrating the birth of Christ.
blackout
So, I played around with some indie brand lip lacquers. I would not recommend them, but I will notify the person that there are a few tweaks, but the packaging, and colours are really nice. It's a difficult time to be starting a new makeup company but I do enjoy playing. She didn't send it to me, she wanted me to try it and host a party. I'd love to but I'm out here on my own and haven't made any friends. I was thinking about what I would have started as a small business right now. There are so many things I enjoy but I cannot keep up with all the new palettes, lipsticks, new brands, hair extensions, and boutiques. What would you do if you had an idea for a small business? Beauty? Hair? Clothing? Share with me...


xo
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Good day!
RIP Baby Boy
I was flipping through videos about dogs, and one thing lead to another, and I'm in beauty. I maybe watched two videos, but I am sat here and can't sort my emotions. I am one of the biggest girly girls. I love all things pink, sexy, feminine, the whole lot. Makeup isn't a necessity, it's therapeutic and exercise.
Why then am I repulsed by things that I have enjoyed since .... birth? I guess when you look at something from another perspective. For example, it's been a bit since my dog died. It is so lonesome and feels wrong to be here without him. I am considering another; however, I want a rescue/rehome. I'm uneducated about how to select one and want to learn how to train a dog who may have been abused or is/was malnourished, and I end up in a video about dog clothing someone bought for their pet. I disgusted myself. Granted, I've not been around people to scream "Oh em gee guise wook at my pwetty doggie" and that was never me. I'm not cute so that doesn't work for me. I listened and the whole thing was about purchases for other people, how much money they spent, the parties they were going to and their plus one and it brought me down.
I see people who sleep on cardboard, next to a sewage drain because the steam keeps them warm. I have seen dogs that were "soooo cute" at one time, and now they are on a lead in a square cement space looking frightened. I know I am blessed beyond what I deserve; however, I'm not wealthy, I don't have a "platform" and no online presence.
I have to get over myself to help someone else. I cannot let my shyness, and insecurity around people prevent me from taking steps. I need to make a difference. I need to find away to let others who share the earth with me know that they matter.
What should I do?


          xo
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The last post I wrote was deeply heartfelt. So, why didn't Blogger for Androids publish it? Hmmmm.....?
Whilst everyone is going on about Christmas shopping, I was still sad over my loss. Does anyone relate to holiday blues? Well, it went one of two directions, there were forums with bright red telephone numbers to suicide hotline, or I found information about post holiday blues. I don't reckon it's the blues. I've had deaths, losses, not coming back, can't I f*cking be sad without worrying about my subconscious manifesting negative?
I guess it's my fault. The web has made me lazy, rather than experience the emotions, I might find a blog, or a guru who has some way to take me to a happy place. Sort of an e-bond but not really. I live vicarious through their joys, why not the other? Because that would not make them entertaining.
So, I wrote in my journal, wept, did nothing, sulked, b*tched out someone who tried to have me "Look on the bright side" and I'm full circle.
There's this crap stigma which prevents people from expressing true feelings because people will call them "cray" or "negative" and other terms that say, "Take your buzz kill somewhere else." I wanted to talk to someone but what to say? I had no appetite for several days. I did treat myself to some overpriced ice cream, but it upset my stomach. I am glad that I didn't find something.
Had I found an outlet, it would have been a distraction, thus, interrupting the process of grieving. Lately, I've taken that step out on faith that God will handle the outcome, I just need to do the footwork. Stay in my lane. I thought about fostering dogs, but realised it was equal to children. Instead, I flagged a bunch of people on Craigslist who were trying to rip people off.
What did we learn? Avoiding something is just a way of putting off one of life's lessons. We all have a diving purpose. If we don't complete the lessens God has in his "plan" we will be sure to encounter it again. The last time I lost my job versus the other time I lost my job must have had something different? Find the lesson in the pain, then move on. I've spent years not letting go. We simply prolong our growth and don't see that we are a lot more resilient than we give ourselves credit for. I had/have to deal with a lot of people who think they're better than me due to status and I used to go out of my way to avoid them. I finally broke that cycle, and it didn't feel great, but I'm not dead. Repetition is the mother of skill. I got this



xo

Non-Vlogmas 2014

by on 11:59 PM
The last post I wrote was deeply heartfelt. So, why didn't Blogger for Androids publish it? Hmmmm.....? Whilst everyone is going on abo...
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I'm getting through the dark side....*peeks* I just hope the coast is clear and there isn't something ready to run me over.
I'm using this time to really dig deep into myself. What is it about me that attracts mean spirited people? I am a highly/hyper sensitive person. I'm a magnet for opportunists. It's the same as if I were this beautiful peacock with an inordinate amount of beautiful feathers wondering why people where attacking me. Duh? They want a feather!
I figured there are some steps I need to do and if you are a highly sensitive person, join me!
  • Don't watch the news for awhile, see if your energy increases on the positive as opposed to the negative.
  • Choose your company wisely. If you realize that someone only talks to you to dump their problems, take a stand. I recently told my brother's partner that it was putting me in a bad place to listen to their problems. Him being my brother and having someone speak ill of him didn't feel right and if it doesn't feel right (Olivia Pope) then, it's not healthy. Simply say, "I'd rather not be privy to this, it is a bit of a downer and couples can sort things out better if they talk to each other."
  • Realize the world is, has, and will never be fair. It's good to practice kindness, and treat people as human beings, but injustice will exist in some part of the world no matter what. Take that problem to God in a beautiful gift wrapped box with a pretty bow and LEAVE IT! Your creator has something for you and that is where you're meant to be focused. It's not possible to solve every one of the world's problems, pick an issue get involved, but realize you are contributing to be part of the solution, not to take on the issue.
  • Nurture yourself. If you have to be sad, journal. If you need to vent, therapy. But don't stay in the dark too long, or you'll get comfortable and it's hard to get out.
It's frustrating that sensitivity is seen as stupidity or naivety when it's quite the opposite, most don't catch on to as much as we do. When my boss walks by I can sense her mood, not a good thing, but it can be. It lets me know to stay out of her way and not to own her stuff. She brought her package with her and that means she's chosen to go against the current. Ultimately, we can't control the world and ulcers, tension and frustration aren't good for us. It's not about thicker skin it's about heightened awareness of surroundings. In the animal kingdom, we'd be the survivors!

xo

Finally Friday!

by on 12:00 AM
I'm getting through the dark side....*peeks* I just hope the coast is clear and there isn't something ready to run me over. I'm...
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Today is hitting me hard. I am really wondering if black lives matter? I want to go, but where? Back to Africa? I was told to go there most of my life. Sadly, the minorities are in control there as well. I wonder if people will believe that racism still exists or nah?I feel like crying, but I don't know if it's because I'm feeling defeated or that I feel like black lives don't matter even among ourselves. There are people in power whose words can make a difference, but they are concerned about numbers. Sales of their albums, clothing line, or whatever their "brand" markets to say anything, unless it's something bad about another black *Charles Barkley* person.

I'm sure I will anger many just by saying, "I don't get the Zoella hype!" Why is this woman in a teen body the next J.K. Rowling? Of course, her being white, immature and pulling dumb faces helps. I watched her videos and don't see how she is an icon for anything.
I am biased but I looked at my homepage and the first article was about Eric Garner and then it just hit me. They don't get it. I have been falsely accused of things, guilty before due process many times, and each time the result is the same. #lose But I want to believe in my faith, I want to believe this isn't about race, but...
I sometimes see that I fold under the justice system, I have heard each time I'm fined, "just pay it, if you don't win you're f*cked" but I'm still screwed right? Doing nothing or standing for something, the fault will be on the "system's" side.
I want to see a change, but even Obama hasn't been promising. I know this is temporary, I'll be back to my self, but I don't see how I can think about anyone than the families of these victims and the checks these officers are collecting beyond retirement.
#blacklivesmatter

 xo

Blogmas: Unjust

by on 9:51 PM
Today is hitting me hard. I am really wondering if black lives matter? I want to go, but where? Back to Africa? I was told to go there most...
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What would your tomorrow look like if you only had the things you were thankful for today?
I ask myself that and it never fails to remind me of what I really need(ed). In 2010 lost my job, 2012 my mum, 2014 my dog, and my job....dignity not too far behind. I guess I have to be more specific when praying and meditating because I am manifesting a lot of things that are not what I want. I wanted a companion, and the Meetup group I joined was quite sinister. I don't know if there's something about me or maybe I am hypersensitive but I don't like groups that think it's okay to gossip. It's like a pod of cows sitting about giving people the piss. How is that a social for singles? Maybe that's what people are doing being that it's hard for a pimp.
I decided to add vision board to the list of things to help me get back into me. I never knew how difficult being an adult and making friends would be.
I did have an epiphany though. You know those videos you see online and aside from the ones that are viral, that have a lot of views. It's because of perverts. I was looking at a playlist of a particular vlogger and her highest viewed video was her get unready with me/night time routine. Who needs to know how to wash, brush and go to bed? Well, apparently the tags make h*rny individuals come to fetch a shower scene. I seriously think social media has destroyed my belief in mankind.

Blogmas: Gratitude

by on 9:12 PM
What would your tomorrow look like if you only had the things you were thankful for today? I ask myself that and it never fails to remind m...
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