Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Beauty may only be skin deep but.....

Personalities don't take good pictures.
This was my Sunday. I was a right mess. Note to prospective makeup artists: When you are between jobs, pick up a hobby!
So next week I go back to work. I cannot wait. When I got a text today my face was like


I spent Sunday binge watching American Reality Television. I am an avid TOWIE girl; however, I got a chance to watch all the trash television I wanted!
My downfall is not focusing on "reality"  so, of course none of it is scripted. At hour 3 I went from 


I had fun watching most episodes due to the over the top anecdotes; however, between the two Kim's (Zolciak and Kardashian), I was on an emotional roller coaster. It was funny to see the way some families interact. I come from a very rigid and structured family. We look like we have guns to our heads and if we even flinch "boom" so seeing a family joke and prank each other is foreign. I don't think I joke with anyone. I have dry humour and use a lot of sarcasm, but spanking my mum on the bum, or calling my father by his first name? Nope, that's the fastest way to find myself looking for my teeth. 
I think it all got too much when the Kimye wedding preparation was on. 
Kim is by far one of the most self absorbed, extremely narcissistic personalities; however, how many people can turn a sex tape into an empire? It seemed like God had favourites from my view.
  1. Not one, not two but three weddings the last two being over the top? She wasn't even a virgin but these men, companies, stylists, et al pulled out their best for this woman.
  2. Considering the "tape" how many men would have created a dream wedding and paid homage to his bride to the point of renting stadiums, historic buildings and have a room of people telling stories of how in ♥ your fiance is with you and all the professions and declarations of such for several years. 
  3. Who needs friends, when you have a huge family? Seriously, how does one get bored or lonely when you have access to everything? Not to mention, the people in your circle have the same ability so there's no, "Girl, can we get a hook up or on the guest list, I didn't get my check?" or "Let me see if I can get a sitter..."
  4. Cars, clothes, shoes, money, homes, food, friends=amazing!
  5. You are famous for nothing. No creation of an app, no cure for cancer, no world championship anything, no graduating with a doctorate in neuroscience, not even a book.
Any other day, none of that bothers me. Something about yesterday had me over the top in my feelings. I celebrated by stuffing myself with watermelon and rice cakes. Eff me! I didn't even have ice cream or cronuts, it had to be whilst I had purged my flat from unhealthy foods and beverages. I didn't have any resources, not even for takeaway. 
I would have punched anyone who told me, "Beauty is only skin deep" or "Money can't buy happiness" and "All that glitters isn't gold." Let me say something. The Kims on their worst day, is better off than me emotionally, financially, and physically than me on my best. Kim Zolciak has a man that takes her, her wigs, her two teenagers, and more when I meet people who are constantly telling me all the things I don't need to hear. I know I don't need to wear make-up. Yes, I don't need fake hair because I have a lot of hair, but I like versatility. If I could just "get out of my shell" so easily, I would not being writing in this journal right now.
As much as we don't want to admit it, people like to see how the other half lives. Or, the 1% lives. People like attractive people. We like to look and inspect things that we find pleasing. I admit this, and it took me awhile to accept that things like youth, beauty, health, etc. It's funny how few magazines there are like MORE as opposed to Glamour, InStyle, etc. or the number of videographers who specialise in mature skin or are over 30 and act that way.
I have more thoughts on this, but for now, it's okay to be in that moment, but staying there is unhealthy and that will be an upcoming post!


Sunday, August 31, 2014

Why it's best to be on the "Worst Dressed" list

I always wanted to be the girl at the ball who walks down the staircase in a beautiful gown that brings people to a stand still, mouths wide open, eyes held open in shock and awe. There are some people who dream of their wedding day but that was more fear based anxiety inducing thoughts as opposed to a dream. As a makeup artist, I will confess that there are some brides who make me so green with envy that I stop and think for a minute but it soon vanishes once I pack up and go to my next venue.
lena dunhamIt's interesting to me that Lena Dunham chose to wear this ensemble to a highly watched, televised event. I have photos of the time Bjork wore a swan suit to an award ceremony but I thought it would not be her if she wore an Oscar de la Renta, or high profile designer ensemble to the event.  Back to Lena. What she did was brilliant. Granted, I have never been a fan of her based on the interviews I have observed; however, it seems that she keeps a close eye on things written about her and voices her concerns. If the news channel is correct, her hair colour was thought to be a wig, she addressed it quite well.
I was watching a video on Huffington, and my initial reaction was to ask why this group felt they had the ultimate authority on style? I'm sure if we gave each of them a once over, we could find something *cough weight, hair cough* about them that would qualify them for less than stellar feedback from critics but their job is to report so that we can feel better about ourselves if someone with something we don't have can have flaws.
Ironically, what this does is brings people to the forefront who are usually out shined by Lopez, Aniston, Jolie, etc. Following? Okay, prior to the show the wall of shamed celebrities were not familiar to me other than Lena. The reason she is familiar is due to the Chescalocs issue. I don't have cable but the discuss was on my social media feed.
I saw the women on several covers in the queue at the chemist and listened to a tall older woman with a thick German accent talking to a young woman about the red carpet. She looked in my direction and seemed embarrassed but apologised for her inability to decide which glossy to take. I smiled back and told her I wasn't in a rush. Hell, if it brings her a bit of happiness to chat about dresses, who am I to judge?
When I left it dawned on me that although people were speaking about their supposed "poor choice" in wardrobe, people were talking about them more than they were Beyonce's performance the prior evening. They say there's no such thing as bad press, and I didn't agree with that. Anything that was negative with a person attached to it surely can't be good. I was obviously wrong. Here stood a diverse set of women in the queue talking about people we do not know on a personal level rather than about who won. A week on, and I still don't know who won. But, I did look at some of the people who others took umbrage in their style choice.
Genius! All those attendees who starved, spent extra time getting fit in the gym, hired trainers, chefs, makeup artists, hair stylists, nail technicians, and so on may have gotten a nod for their effort, but I think if one spent zero time in the preliminary stage trying to get in shape, select the perfect designer who presented the right ensemble, with the hair, jewellery, etc. and just threw on a tent, there would be a lot less stress, but they would still get publicity. What's more, when you raise the bar, you set yourself up. When you start from the top, you set your expectation so high that anytime you are less than your best, all you get is criticism.
I call it self preservation or deflection. If I own my flaws and put them out there first, you can't hold the power. If I've acknowledged or am seen as a hot mess, anytime I clean up, I'll be commended as opposed to those, "Oh my she usually looks so smart, what happened?"
I think when we put so much pressure on ourselves to be perfect, we give the impression that our lives are as picture perfect as our well preened appearance.
I'm thick, but today's lesson was proof to me that no matter what we do to impress others, even when it's good and we get it right, there will be those days where we display our human side. The side that is just like everyone else. We can't set a standard that is so unrealistic and expect to remain on that pedestal. I reckon that's why so many people criticise themselves. When we know what we have achieved, we expect to always do so. That's not possible. We age, gain or lose weight and our bodies don't do work at 60 the way it did at 40 or even, 20 which is why we have to give ourselves a break.


Monday, August 18, 2014

When things fall apart...

Please sit still!
This has been one of those time to dial 1-800-NOW-WHAT ? I've been working on a film with two directors that are extreme perfectionists and Type A to a T.
I really don't understand film sets. I haven't seen a movie since Moby Dick was a minnow. So, the faces look the same to me. "Newsflash" I don't have a Jay Z, Beyonce, etc. album. I listen to my own playlist because I don't like hearing the same song 10 times in the span of an hour.  Not because my taste in music is so elite; rather, I can listen to trance and want old school right after.
So, I usually have my headphones on, and get yelled at and bossed around. I told them to their face they need to treat me better. Now that I am still, I need to treat me better. We  teach people how to treat us. When this director went on about how educated, connected, and how many films she helped write and box office hits, in my head she's


editing whatever she's saying which I only see her mouth move and a frustrated looking expression.  Today was bad. I have been working 14 hours and my work is done in a routine. I am very precise in what I do. But after everyone has their face done, they talk, the lights are very hot, and you can see your reflection on their forehead, and the lipstick is absent because they talk so much. As we called it, equipment guys were leaving, people were going there separate ways, or to some place for "drinks" <~ yeah right! When I told them I had a flight cross country, she wished me well, but....
 IT HAPPENED !!!!!!!
She called me, "whatshername" I will work for you, deal with your mood swings, listen to your stories, keep your secrets, but don't. ever. call. me. that.  That's a deal breaker and I didn't turn around, but I felt so small.
I didn't go to the wrap party, I'm not going to the premier, and all of the emails that post production sends, which is A LOT, asking if our name is spelled correctly, and if we've submitted our contracts. So, being a baby, I stated my name was, in fact, wrong. I stated my real name is "whatshername." Later, I wrote her an amendment and told her that for this show, I'm three months on, maybe a break and then it's go, go, go and since we spend so much time together, it would be nice to know my first name. Maybe she was tired, or too many things on her mind, but trust and believe she knows my name, and face quite well.
We teach people how to treat us from the moment we interact. It's difficult and uncomfortable, but one must always feel they are equal to not less than. You don't have to believe it, but in time, you keep saying that you deserve better, it will radiate and that's the energy you will put out in the universe.