Wednesday, May 12, 2010

All About Going Natural

It's that time of year again...I want to go natural so bad my teeth hurt.  Seriously, it's that bad.  I feel like shaving my very long mane.  I worked very, very hard growing my hair this length...but having it texlaxed doesn't feel right to me these days.  With so many people making great strides these days, I feel like I need to challenge myself.  Well, why not continue with the work out, body makeover?  Because that isn't a goal, it's a lifestyle change.  I am changing the way I think about food and the result will be to become more "fit" and healthy in the process.  Feeding my body instead of my cravings.
I guess I am sort of bandwagoning.  I feel left out, I'll admit it.  Everyone is going natural and they are embracing their hair's natural texture.  To be fair, my mother didn't encourage me to do anything to my hair.  She was fine with taking care of my natural hair, and pressing it out for church and special events.  What happened?  Social brainwashing.  I wanted my hair to be like the images on video queens.  That was the era I was raised to watch, video vixens were the "it" girls.  I liked the naturals like Angie Stone, Lauren Hill, Eryka, Whoopi, but they were so dang smart I was into superficial so they fed my need for knowledge, but they weren't in my face like Halle, Meagan, Beyonce, Nia, etc.  It could be on me, maybe I wasn't focused on the "right" issues.  But, I was shallow and into beauty.  I was doing makeup and these were some of the images I was looking at to inspire some of the looks I could create.  Not that the others weren't doing the same, but they weren't everywhere I looked.  So why now?  Same thing, but I'm scared.  Not of the "big chop" I've been bald, that doesn't scare me in the least.  I can work a protective style to acclimate to anything.  I know now my hair can grow as long as I treat it properly.  But change in corporate settings isn't always well received.  My fear is, as a black female I'm very blessed to have a job in the field I do.  I've been made redundant and living on unemployment was the worst experience I have ever endured.  I hated every day of my life then.  I never felt more hopeless, worthless, and desolate.  I am still recovering from that which is why I allow some of the bullshit  stuff my boss does to get a simple side eye. I don't want to give my employer power reasons to eliminate me.  "They can't do that!  That's discrimination!"  Please, I see it everyday.  I am so depressed.  I watch Kimmay Tube, Scandalous Beauty, and read countless journals about others' transition and miss that.  I feel left out.  I know it's not easy, but there's a sister hood in the natural community and no matter how long, healthy etc. my hair is, I miss experimenting with chemical free hair.  I'd still color it, but watching a transformation and trying new styles is like clothes.  I like to change my style and switch it up.

(not my texture but nice)

(business appropriate)

(we won't be needing your services...)

My style of makeup and clothes are somewhat tolerated due to my background in fashion and makeup.  I don't think the transition and eventual journey will go well.  I guess it's cowardice and a lack of faith in God on my part, but maybe this is another phase.  I feel like I shouldn't have to be in this position, but I guess EVERYONE is required to make a compromise of themselves when working for someone else.  But times are really hard, and if an employer wants a face or "image" which reflects them, they have the right.  If I ran a business and felt body art or whatever didn't work in say a child care environment, I'd select employees accordingly.  Loves, choose decisions wise, but don't let them consume you.  Look at how many people are making their dreams possible on blogs, YouTube, and hard work.

1 comment :

Anonymous said...

i am a professional and wear my hair out naturally, mostly afro, so if my boss dont like it then he should not have employed me, i dont think any natural should have to worry about this as its not a strange or odd style its the hair we were born with! no explanations needed as no girl with straight hair are made to feel this way...