Anybody Home?

Here we go again...I'm going to just post "ditto" when this happens. I don't like to blog like before...it's like being in a cult. The level of animosity, cattiness and backstabbing I see at events makes me less interested in sitting down and having fun posting photos of all the cool goodies.
Not only that, I'm really struggling with being in the beauty field now that I'm a bona fide adult. I will always enjoy primping, and looking at magazines for inspiration but when I look at social interest I feel vain, egotistical and .... UGLY!
I never knew I was unattractive until I saw all these beautiful women who were giving advice on how to be confident, how to look good when you're sick, how to pose for pictures and I don't feel comfortable posting on Instagram because I don't use all the filters so I see every single flaw. Each flaw that I don't really focus on is x1000.
I like to practice different looks and techniques to do hair, nails, eyeliner, and diys, but posting them feels vain. It feels like I'm saying "Look at me aren't I pretty?" but how do you enjoy writing about beauty and share your experience if you can't get past it?
Honestly, it's hard to feel good when your world is falling apart. I guess I just have to force myself to do it anyway, so hopefully, you will join me on this journey of getting out of our comfort zone! We got this! Right?