Sunday, November 25, 2012

The best way to let go of the past? Honour it!

This has got to be the most difficult post I've written.  I cannot count how many times I aimed to log into blogger only to be captivated by fear.  I let fear hold me back from just being me.  So much began to happen and I seriously felt there was no good in the world, no purpose for enjoying the simple things and it was like that of a free fall into a dark abyss.
It began with the dynamics in the beauty blogosphere.  What seemed like a hobby among beauty, style and makeup enthusiasts turned into an ugly nightmare.  Makeup used to be about fun.  Sharing techniques, looks and makeup looks was something I did for fun after high school.  There were so many fun forums, pretty girls, and no money, adverts, nor sponsorships.  No one seemed to dislike others so heavily and if you were like me, a plain Jane, you didn't worry about the level of criticism.  Now, criticism has taken on a level of evil.  We all have flaws and work at them, but I literally got to the point, I did not want to look at a mirror and was saving money to try and fix my flaws.  Only the most beautiful, wealthy and talented were featured.  The days of me watching Panacea81 between classes at uni were long gone and now there were new gurus popping up all over the place, but there was something different about the new batch.  Unlike Lollipop26 who was relate-able, people were wanting you to follow them on Twitter, like them on Facebook, subscribe to their blogs, channels, and enroll in various monthly beauty subscriptions and if you dare ask them anything they didn't like they sent their followers to attack you, your mother, your appearance and then blocked you.  Not knowing what you did wrong other than want to ask a question.  If I hear the word, "jealous" or "hater" again for having a different point of view I will live just fine.
In short, I took the cowards way out.  I let a group of thugs discourage me, but in my defence, I had a mum who was ill, a father in hospital, a programme to finish and I was not wanting to jeopardize those things to the level of scrutiny which may have occurred.  My mum passed recently and, once more, I didn't have the skin to endure the changes in the beauty community.  I live a simple life, and my worst fear is having people expose my home or family to the web world because I like to post beauty articles and photos of fun findings.
I'm blogging in the spirit of my late mother.  I don't care about the mean spirited comments, the threats to me or my safety or the scrutiny of my flaws.  If I don't do what I enjoy because of a few unhappy people all my hard work and efforts to heal are for not.  I'm not 100%, but this is a new start.  I can do all things through Christ and this is just one.  Here's to new starts and overcoming fear.

1 comment :

kimmydadiva said...

My condolences to you and your family. May God give you the strength & courage to do his will and be bless in your endeavors also, don't let any one discourage you and I hope you' ll find the strength to carry on after the tragedy you endured.