Sunday, November 28, 2010

Healing a broken heart ♥

So, each year we make plans to spend time with our family and loved ones when we get blindsided. "Thing's aren't working.  It's not you..."
Is cupid stupid or does he have a bad aim? Seriously!  I was researching and according to Facebook stats now is the time most people update their status to reflect a break up.  I have been through a few and whether it's an end of a relationship with a partner, or your best friend, it sucks.  It's hard to put into words the ache, the emptiness and lethargy that one feels.
I was so pathetic, I spent a week laying down looking at the telly box.  I didn't want to see or speak to anyone.  I kept researching how long it would take to go away.  I asked friends and all I got was "time, it takes time." That wasn't what I wanted to hear at all.  It felt condescending.  Especially if it came from someone in a relationship.  Relationships aren't easy but when things are "over" it feels like a part of you dies.  In one sense, it does. The hard part is starting over.  The worst thing you can do do yourself is to compare yourself or take it personal.  Just remember compare leads to despair.  It's very difficult not to compare ourselves to others when there are so many beautiful women in the world, but remember, all that glitters isn't gold.  Just because things look good doesn't mean they're good for you.
It's okay to cry.  Mourn if you have to but don't get stuck.  Your mind will play tricks on you.  Break ups happen and they never get easier, but remember it happens to the best of us.  Shall I give you examples:

Merry Christmas Tony!
Happened to America's Sweetheart

Beautiful but happened to her
 Obviously there are many, many more women who, for whatever reason, were blindsided by a breakup. I could add so many more men (and women) easily.  If you think it has to do with looks, you could not be more wrong.  I don't think anyone really knows why but sometimes people grow apart, sometimes infidelity happens, other times, it's simply happens and we don't know why.  Don't get stuck in the "Why?"  It will make you insane, depressed and there's not one answer.  I remember turning to books, psychics, clergymen, etc. to find out why men are able to change their mind and seemingly so easily.  So, what can I suggest?  Glad you asked.

  1. Make a routine and stick to it!  You may want to sleep. lay on the couch and avoid people, but it won't help you.  Get a schedule and write down everything you need to do and do it.  Including eating, if you are one who overeats, write a food plan and stick to it part of getting healthy is being happy.
  2. Reinvent yourself!  Look through some magazines and find a hairstyle or get a facial, makeover or a manicure and pedicure.  Try something new with your clothing, add accessories, have fun.
  3. Get a hobby!  It's good to journal and deal with your feelings, but what about volunteering, meetup, take a class, try yoga.
  4. Make new friends!  Of course you shouldn't have to find new friends, but do you really want to hear about what's going on with your ex?  It will prevent some awkwardness for both of you.  The friends you and your ex spent so much time with will appreciate the space as they too get past the initial shock. Plus, when they see you, imagine what they'll tell the ex factor?
  5. Take a trip!  It can be as simple as a road trip, lunch, and a camera or a flight to someplace you've always wanted to see. 
Of course none of this will make the pain go away, but breakups are something we all deal with, and I feel many people don't address it without bashing the ex factor.  Sure, you want to sock him/her or call and curse them about, but don't give them that much credit.  The best revenge is to live your life happy, even if it's without them.  You're strong, you can get through this, and they made room for the person you were meant to be with.

Sadly, the truth is, it takes time.  I hated hearing it, but looking back, one day the pain was less, then the ache was less intense, and before you know it, you feel the loss, but the pain is gone and you start to get back on your feet.  I know this doesn't fix anything, but give yourself a break.


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