Tuesday, July 28, 2009
When Haters Attack...
I have never been one to comprehend mean spirited people. Even as a child, I never understood when kids would pick on other kids. When the kid was me, I felt it was because of the usual. Black, chubby, female, dumb, new kid, and so on.
What I am learning as an adult is that those people truly never grew up. The names and faces are different but the behavior is the same.
This is a topic I really thought I would never address. I think people use the term "hater" far too often. I get that not everyone will like what I say, how I look or how I dress. I see the stares, the rolled eyes and it really doesn't affect the way I choose to dress. What I don't understand is when people take it to a graduated level. I'm talking the level of trying to get you fired, starting rumours about you or your family and even spreading lies. That can only be called hate, I can't think of any reason a person would go for the jugular of another, especially if they don't know them.
I visit a few forums to get ideas on clothing, style, beauty et al. I like to research and sometimes interact with other members. What I don't understand is when a member gets an attitude towards another member on a forum. Most times I find it funny. I actually like some of the more aggressive boards because those people can cut you with their tongue and not miss a beat. In addition, there are some quite intelligent people who post and it's quite refreshing to learn something new each day.
I even have to look within myself at times, as there is a woman, much older than me, married with a son and she goes out of her way to make me and others try to feel small. Why? I can honestly say she lives a sheltered life. Her husband works which allows her to be online all day (another topic for another post). She thinks her husband is the sun and moon and will not hesitate for a moment to express her opinion about anything and everything.
Now, I could blast her @ss and it would be an enormous weight off my shoulders. I know I would have her in tears not to mention rethinking some of the decisions she makes in her life. The point is, I don't. I don't say a word. She responded to me in a post, and I gave her a pass. I could have made her look small, pathetic, and uneducated not to mention give her a reason to not trust her younger husband, but I shook it off. That's what people need to learn to do with "haters." You must shake them off. Giving power to people who have no impact on your day to day life is a waste of energy. If they are people you must have contact with, keep it brief and keep it moving. Your hater(s) will begrudge you and begin the next level of attack but raise your security level and be prepared for the disaster. In time, he/she will get bored and move on to the next victim. But you have to let them go. Trust me, they will try to provoke, stir and wreak havoc on you, but do not let them steal your joy.
You answer to one person and you have to live with yourself, what happens to us and around us we have no control over, but what we do about it is our responsibility. Let them hate, but just do you. In time, you will feel pity on them. While they're busy plotting, you're busy living.